I Almost Quit

A fever, a delayed start, and a flying pair of slippers push Amanda to the edge, then sharpen her standards. We share the red flags, the chaos, and the exact boundaries that turned a near-quit into better work and clearer contracts.

• the difference between normal stress and cruelty
• early red flags and why cancellations matter
• rehearsal missteps and payment/license issues
• timeline collapse and ceremony tech gaps
• the slippers incident as a boundary line
• compressing a 30-minute script to 10
• vendor coordination, meals, and respect
• contracts, clauses, and clear scope of work
• office hours, arrival windows, and audio requirements
• lessons for couples and vendors to protect the day

If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment, and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear
For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at OfficiatingByAmanda
If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to theweddingwear podcast at gmail.com
If you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmail.com

Transcript

“Bridezilla” Versus Normal Stress

Early Career And Missed Red Flags

Rehearsal Chaos And Payment Issues

Wedding Day Fever And Delays

The Slippers Incident And Breaking Point

A Ten-Minute Ceremony From Mayhem

Aftermath, No Vendor Meals, Reflection

Boundaries, Contracts, And Respect

Lessons For Couples And Vendors

Community Stories And Closing CTA

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Wedding Wear with officiating by Amanda. The Wedding Where I Almost quit. Hello all and welcome back to The Wedding Wear. I'm Amanda. I'm a wedding officiant. And you know, I get asked a lot about bridezillas, and I often say, no, there's not really a lot of them, but in really thinking back, I've had a few. And today we're going to talk about my first one and the wedding that almost made me quit. And maybe like not as you're thinking, like throw down my mic in the middle of the ceremony, walk out and effective immediately quit, but almost made me, nope, I don't need to do this anymore. No, thank you. And it was early on. So I'm like, gosh, how much would I have, how much would I have lost out on? I don't throw the word bridezilla around lightly because weddings are emotional. There are nerves and pressure and family dynamics and timelines and lots of money and expectations. And we, as women, sure, the industry's told us it's your day, it's your special day, whatever the bride wants. And sometimes that goes up into our heads. And we have some unrealistic asks of people. But there's a difference between those unrealistic asks and the tears and the stress and being short with somebody, all of which I just bundle to. It's normal, versus being uh mean, being inconsiderate, being rude, being uh just uh horrible. And not just to one person, but to pretty much everybody around. There's no reason that anyone deserves that. This was one of those weddings where I'm like, it's not normal. This, this cannot be defined anywhere as normal. This was pretty on early on in my career. I was about 20 weddings in. I was still very much in my like, oh yeah, just say yes. Like, we'll eat for food, figure it out later era. I was learning boundaries. I was still believing that if I just said, oh, okay, yep, sure, of course, that it's going to show off in my work, that the couple will be my friend on Facebook, that everybody will love me, and that in those stressed moments, any kindness I give out would break the exteriors and kindness would be returned. The couple booked, and from the start, the bride took the lead, which is not unusual. She had very strong opinions for the ceremony, but also not unusual. What was unusual is that they told me this would be their third wedding date set, because the first two dates over the years had been called off due to quote issues. As I look back, that should have been the red flag. But I was new and I chalked it up to oh, maybe someone got nervous, maybe there was life complications, maybe there was a baby, maybe money ran out. It's all fine. So I worked with the couple for a few weeks, maybe a month. It was a time when I was also booking a lot closer to weddings happening. So there was a lot of rush and urgency. We get to the rehearsal, and I show up at the venue, which was a hotel with a restaurant, had a lot of kind of off-site rooms that you could rent out, and so everyone could be in like one whole building and then come over to the main like ballroom with the restaurant and the pool, the gazebo, the outside land. It was very nice. I show up there ahead of time, not unusual for me. And I meet with the venue coordinator who I know. And we're waiting. And we're waiting. And we're waiting. And the coordinator lets me know. They're actually just down the hall. They've been dropping off decorations all day. Nothing is set up in the main room. And they have very limited time tonight to do their setup. I think they said doors closed at like 10. And then tomorrow morning they'd only have a little bit of time to do it before needing to get ready. Stressful, but again, not unheard of. There have been many weddings I've been a part of where it is all hands on deck before, after, and sometimes in the midst of during the rehearsal. So I was preparing. I'm like, okay, I get it. The couple finally arrives, but they honestly don't seem concerned about nothing being set up yet. They are not at all interested in running a rehearsal. They have so many more questions about the food. They have so many more questions about the timing for pictures. I really wasn't needed for that rehearsal, given that they didn't want really to do a rehearsal. They didn't care about the lineup procession. I said, okay, and we're going to start. And yeah, yeah, yeah, we're starting then. That's ceremony start time. But we we only have pictures for limited window. We're going to get pictures taken immediately after the ceremony. So make sure that you tell everybody else to go to cocktail so that they don't bug us. Literal quotes here, so that they don't bug us. And then we can get our pictures done, and then we'll go for food. Okay. I understood my assignment. I wasn't here for much more. But then we've got the second red flag. They didn't have their final payment. They also thought that they didn't have the license, but it wasn't the groom's truck, thank goodness. So the bride's mom had to hastily write me out a check. And again, I should have paused that there's kind of no concern for the work I'm doing or for me. And I don't really need you to care about me per se, but care for the work that's going to get done because that's what's going to impact you. I should have paused. I didn't. I went home and said, tomorrow will be better. They're probably just dressed. They'll all get there ahead of time and they'll want to do some more touching based on who stands where and what happens in the ceremony. They they just don't have their mind around it yet. That's fine. So the wedding morning, I wake up with a fever. Not a sniffle, but a whole body that felt like I got hit like a truck and a fever. Probably shouldn't have driven. I was a little delusional. I did text the couple to let them know this was in a pre-COVID era, but I still was like, I don't want to get anyone sick in their own wedding. So I texted just to say, hey, when I get on site, please don't be offended if I don't shake your hand or if I don't go in for a hug, or as soon as the ceremony's over, I backed myself away into a corner so that there is limited risk of issues or exposures. I got no response to that. And when I arrived three minutes before the ceremony start, as metd up as I could be, smile on my face, faking it till I'm making it, I'm ready to go, I walked right into chaos. So the groom's drinking has been for a bit. The bride is still in hair and makeup. The guests were told to arrive at that 30-minute before ceremony start. They actually were told the ceremony was going to start then. And I'm all for if you know you're gonna have guests running a little late, you give them a slightly different time. But no one needs 30-minute as a as a lie window. Nobody needs it. The DJ was not going to be running music for the ceremony. He was only for the reception. And then I believe he got an earful from the bride, and then he was running music for the ceremony, but he did not have a mic for me to use. So I'm gonna have to yell this ceremony. Cool. I touch base with anybody who has a question or needs to talk to me. They're all kind of stunned in silence and fear, like afraid to say anything. And that's I chalked it up to nerves. Ceremony start time starts coming closer, about five to ten minutes when I'm normally getting everybody lined up. Normally a bridesmaid is like, hey, she's ready, you know, start going out. That time has come and that time has gone, and there has been no bride. So I check in politely, ask if there's anything I can do, if I could give an announcement to adjust a very tart no. Everything will be as planned. Okay, I let the bride know, you know, I know how important pictures and timeline is to you. I think we might be running into that a little bit. Do you want me to start shortening the ceremony? No. Okay. Another 10 minutes goes by. Bride's still not ready. Groom's like, if she doesn't show, I don't remind him. She's actually already here. She's not abandoning you. She's just finishing getting ready. Everybody's kind of waiting on me for what comes next, not just the guests, but the groom and the groomsman and the caterer and the photographer and all of these other vendors that know that their job starts when the ceremony ends. So they very much take into my timing. If a ceremony is supposed to start at three and I've got a 20-minute ceremony, I let all those people know. And then they are like, okay, well, our job starts here. Well, if we'd been on the timeline, we'd already be 10 minutes into their 20-minute ceremony, and we aren't. So they're wondering what to do. Now we get closer to 30 minutes late. So for the record, guests have been sitting for an hour. The groom has been drinking the entire time I've been there. So also an hour. The bride has been getting hair makeup done for now more than an hour. And there's still no bride. And I don't know how I brought myself to do one more check-in or why. I said, gosh, this, I I'll I'll go, I'll do it. And I didn't have it be somebody else. But I walked in, hi. I'm just hoping that I can, you know, give everybody an update. How's everything going? The bride throws her slippers at me and says, these go under my table in the ballroom. I'm sorry, what? Not oh my goodness, we're running so far behind. Could you help me? Would you mind? This would help save time and clear one more thing from my head, but please. No. This was a demand for someone who has absolutely no care for the time, energy of anybody else. And a throw a throw. Thankfully, there was a bride, a bridesmaid who stepped in. She could see I was not well, as well as I was stunned. She took the slippers from me and I left that room and I sat down thinking, I'm never doing any of this again. Nope, I'm never never doing another wedding. This is not, this is not worth my time. This is not my energy. This is not how I want to be treated as a person. So here we are, almost an hour after the original start time. And the bride is finally ready. She, you can hear her screaming from the room. She demands that we get it together, get it started. We had been the ones who'd been waiting. So I walked down to the ceremony to everyone who's been sitting there for an hour and a half. And I apologize to them for the delay. I barely remember the ceremony because fever brain is real, but I do remember the bride under her breath yelled at the groom for being drunk. And I really wish that man would have had a retort back like, well, you know, I had one drink for every 15 minutes. You were late, but he didn't, he he took it in stride. I remember being told as soon as she got down the aisle that I needed to shorten this ceremony immediately because the photographer couldn't stay any longer and they had to get their pictures, which is, again, what she cared about the day before and what I tried to work with her and remind her of. But she'd also been saying, Nope, I paid for this ceremony. You're gonna do this ceremony. I didn't have it at the ready to cut anything out. I don't even remember how I cut words out. For all I know, they might not have set vows, they might not be really married. It was shocking. But I got them married in under 10 minutes from what was going to be a 30-minute ceremony. They got married, they waltzed out, they started getting their pictures done. That poor photographer, poor, poor photographer. I then made sure everyone went to cocktail hour. The catering staff was a little annoyed because, well, when I walked down that aisle 10 minutes before, I had told them it's a 30-minute ceremony. You have 30 minutes without knowing that the bride was going to upturn. And as much as we work on our secret hand signals, there's there's not a one to be. So now the guests who'd been waiting for an hour and a half, well, they were going to be waiting at least another 20, 30 minutes before food because poor catering and I were short-sighted, blindsided. When all was said and done, license signed, I went to go say goodbye to the venue coordinator and wish her a heck of a good time with the rest of the night. And she said, Well, surely they put aside a plate for you for dinner. You don't look well. I'm going to pack that up for you. It's the least that they could do for their vendors and for how they made everybody wait. She checked. Nope. Turns out the couple ordered no vendor plates. Not a single one. Not for the DJ, not for the venue staff, not for me, not for the photographer who is on a limited timetable. And I'm standing there sick, exhausted, drained, and genuinely thought, yeah, there are some really rough, horrible people. And I don't ever want to deal with them again. But as that was wedding, like 20-ish, and this weekend I will have completed wedding 250. I obviously didn't quit. When the fever cleared and the fog lifted, I thought about how I'd want to change up some of the things I do. And of course, it took me other weddings to learn other of these tricks and tips, but I've brought together that boundaries for my time and my energy are not unkind. They're realistic. I'm a human. I have a home, a family, a job, a real job. I need to not answer phone calls in the middle of the night. I need to only show up for the times I'm contracted to show up. And if and when I decide to pull out Master Plus, that's my prerogative to do so. It is not going to be for every case in every situation. I learned that there are definitely red flags and that I have clauses to back away from when I see that don't care if they hate me later on. It's so much better than me spending my energy, my time, my stress, my frustration for this respect from as many as possible is a non-negotiable. Certainly the couple, but you know, I really don't put up with it from family members, from bridal party, other vendors. I mean, that that's a tough line to draw sometimes, but I just, it's crazy how rough some people can be. I had to really frame myself as a professional, not, oh, I just do this for fun. Certainly not as your go-to Johnny on the spot servant. I've turned down weddings. I have declined after meeting certain couples. I have others that I really should have, but didn't, and have still learned to work my way through it. I have contracts now with clear payment timelines, and I define the scope of my work so much better. And I have very clear clauses about tolerances for how I should be treated. And that's why I'm comfortable talking openly about this. And it's this only applies to such a small grouping in the world. But yet I've met enough of them to know I don't want to deal with them ever again. Weddings are stressful, and stress brings out the worst in people. But stress is not an excuse to be cruel, mean, rude, to be undervalued for the services that you are providing. So in planning your wedding day, I want you to know you can be as stressed as you want. You can cry a bit, you can be a little snippy, you can forget something and oh my gosh, be rushing and scrambling to get it done, and I'll try to help as best I can. You can do all those things, and I'm not going to call you a bridezilla as a very rare earned title and not earned in great ways. Your venues and vendors want your day to be incredible. We're human, we're professional. We will give what we get. And in fact, sometimes we'll even give it when we don't get it. And that's respect. If you're a vendor listening, especially if you're early on in your career, just know that one bad wedding does not define your worth, but it can be used to define your standards. This wedding almost made me quit. And yet I would say it actually made me better. So yeah. Do you have horror stories on your end? Any wedding drama, true bridezillas, groomzillas, parentzillas, someone that made you almost, no matter what your role was in the wedding, throw down and almost quit. Did you back out from being a bridesmaid? Because it just all got to be too much. I would love to hear your story. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you so much for listening into The Wedding Wear. And until next time, this has been Amanda. Thank you for listening to The Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on Busfraut and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment, and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at OfficiatingByAmanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook, WeddingWire, and The Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to theweddingwear podcast at gmail.com. And if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmail.com. Thank you so much for tuning in. And until next time, this has been Amanda.