They are Divorced

Love feels invincible at the altar, but real life has a way of testing vows. After officiating around 250 weddings over more than a decade, I’ve seen both the glow and the grit—how small patterns at a rehearsal can foreshadow big challenges, and how couples you’d bet on sometimes unravel while others quietly grow stronger. Today I get candid about divorce, the 48‑hour marriage that stunned me, and why choosing each other is still the bravest move we make.

We unpack what actually shifts after the party ends: expectations, family pressure, money, moving, and the everyday frictions that add up. I walk through the nuts and bolts of marriage licenses and timing—when a marriage is legally recognized and what happens if doubts rise after the papers are mailed. We also step inside a world most people never see: prison weddings. The constraints are real, the strain is intense, and yet tenderness and hope still show up under strict rules and fluorescent lights. It’s a human reminder that connection matters, even when the odds are rough.

I share fresh stats from recent ceremonies—how many were first marriages, how many couples brought prior marriages into the room—and why second, third, or fifth chances aren’t failures but evidence of growth. Through it all, one theme stays steady: marriage works when both partners keep fueling the fire with care, repair, and honest talk. If you’re curious about red flags, resilience, second chances, or the legal side of “I do,” this one will meet you where you are.

If the conversation resonates, follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who loves love but wants the truth about what keeps it alive. Your stories and questions guide future episodes, so send them our way and let’s keep learning together.

Chapters

• 0:04 Setting The Stage
• 0:25 Amanda’s Background And Scope
• 1:07 Facing Divorce Head On
• 2:09 Reading The Signs In Couples
• 4:26 The 48-Hour Marriage Story
• 7:01 License Rules And Legal Timing
• 9:36 Why Fast Breakups Happen
• 10:01 Prison Weddings And Hard Realities
• 12:16 Hope, Experience, And Second Marriages
• 14:35 Tracking Couples Over Time
• 16:46 Courage At The Altar
• 17:20 Bonus Content And How To Connect

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Welcome to the wedding wear with officiating by Amanda. The wedding wear the couple is divorced. Welcome back to the Wedding Wear podcast where we talk about weddings, love, vows, the moments that make weddings perfectly imperfect. I'm Amanda. I'm a wedding officiant, and I started this podcast, oh, in January, over a thousand listens ago, to share some of the stories. True, very true stories of the nearly 11 years I've been officiating and the 250 weddings that I've done. That is a lot of I do. So like 250 times two people. That's 500 people. I can't keep names straight, really can't. Today's episode is a little different because we're talking about the back-end side of a wedding and a marriage. And the end result is the couple divorced. Yep, we are going there. Let's be realistic. The happily ever after part of weddings doesn't always stay that way. Or maybe it wasn't all that happily from the start. Maybe there were other factors that were leading into the marriages. And as someone who is married, not every day is wonderful. Not every day is great. And I'm sure if you've got more not great days lining up in a row than you have good days, that can really take a toll. There's a lot of other factors, a million reasons why people get divorced. I mean, they're like, oh, everyone gets married for love, but they get divorced for a million reasons. We know that the national divorce rate hovers around 50%. And when you've officiated almost 250 weddings like I have, that means that statistically I'm looking at 125 of those couples who could end up divorced. Now, I didn't pull, nor did Chat GPT tell me at the average, like how long does a marriage last before ending in divorce? Because a lot of my weddings have been the last two to three years. So hopefully, fingers crossed, they're all still good. But yeah, the longer that marriage goes on, the higher the risk of divorce is or separation, or let's face it honestly, murder, because also another statistic, you are statistically more likely to be injured, harmed, murdered by your significant other than by anybody else. It's fantastic. Of the 50% of couples divorced that I could have, thankfully I have nowhere near that number from my best count. 10. 10 divorces amongst my couples, and that's after more than a decade, which is not bad odds at all. For some of them, yeah, I could see it. Could have called it from the start. Interactions with the bride that were a little tense, comments of the groom that were not so nice, them both having exes still in the picture. Sometimes you just you get a sense. It's the way that they interact, the tone of the rehearsal, the energy between them. There's patterns over time. And sometimes I can even pick up little bits from the consult call. Who, who's really driving the force for the wedding, who wants to get married versus who's going along, yeah, okay, sounds good. I guess so. And that doesn't change as the planning process happens. It doesn't change at the wedding day, and it doesn't change after the wedding day. Others who've gotten divorced, they took me by surprise. I've had a few couples I thought, yep, they've been together for years already. This is just making it legal. They overcame some really rough situations in order to even be together in the first place. They had commitment levels. I couldn't fathom. Like they were almost inseparable. And maybe that's the sign they were so inseparable that they were too much alike. I don't know. But a few years after they say I do, I see a status update, or depending on how I found the couple, word through the great vine, life changed. They're divorced. And I think, wow, even them. And it's humbling because as much as I stand and talk about love and marriage within the ceremony, I know that it's not as simple as me saying the legally binding words or the couple saying that they love each other and I do, keeping relationships alive, keeping love alive, continuing to fuel it isn't easy. Sorry, I didn't mean to chuckle at that part there, but we have a coal furnace and we have to constantly feed it. And I was thinking that that's that kind of fitting for a marriage, is like feeding a coal furnace. Even if you have the automatic hopper, it still doesn't get you out of having to shuffle coal and feed it in. So one of the weddings I want to talk about. This one I I knew. I didn't have to do any research. I knew they were divorced. It took me by surprise. But they were married for 48 hours. If that, so that's not even enough time to get like notes written or pen a really good Facebook post to even say we got married. But you know, they might have actually been able to file for an annulment instead of a divorce just because it was so quick. I had shown up, it was an elopement, it's just the two of them. They'd been together for four years. They picked a date that was really significant, and they were ready. I mean, they were packing up the house to move to the next place that they were going to live at together. And they had already been to the county. They already had a license before I came along. So this had been more than a hot second of a plan for the record. Pennsylvania has a three-day wait period between when you pick up your license and when you can use your license. And it's probably about a week process from your starting on your application, submitting your application, getting on and finalizing your application, paying your money, and then is like the issue. And so there's a week process there, then there's an additional three-day process before the license is valid. And then you've got two months, 60 days to use it. So they kind of didn't just show up like in Vegas at a chapel and go, we're gonna get married right now. You can't do that. So I showed up, I asked the legal things, they were happy, they had matching tattoos even. I remember thinking, like, gosh, they're yeah, okay, cool. Check, check for the books. This is not a lightly entered into element. And I got a text 24 hours after. So I put the marriage license right into the mailbox. I had a jam-packed week of weddings, put the license in, got a text 24 hours later that said, Hey, I've got a question. And I was like, Yeah, sure, go on. What's up? 24 more hours passed, and I got a second text that said, What if we don't want to do this? I'm sorry, what? What? What do you mean you don't want to do this? You you did this. So I got a lot of questions of like, well, when is the marriage legal as of? Is it when we said I do? Is it when you signed the paper? Is it when it hit the county? It's like the county will honor the date that I signed it, which was on site the day you said I do. And gave them, I'm not a legal person at all, but gave them some guidance on like, okay, if this is not what you're looking to do, it's out of my hands now. It's on its way back to the county. Let the county know, see if they would be willing. But almost everybody in the marriage license process has an obligation of what to do with the license once it is returned. You have to process it. You have to sign it, you have to send it back in. It's a very, yeah. And I I was really confused. Like, how could this what could have possibly happened in 48 hours? Like, did they tell someone their family who's like, oh, well, now you know that means this happens for your taxes or for, or maybe they broke up or they got into a fight over the new house that they were moving to. I don't know. And you know what? We'll never know. Life happens, emotions run high. People rush into weddings thinking it might fix something, or it'll get better over time, and it doesn't. But in the end, that's the part that you risk in marriage and in love. You put your heart out there and you don't know if you'll find love or how long it will last or if it'll be all the best fun, that's best fitting. If you followed along with the podcast for a while, you will know that I have officiated prison weddings. And if you are totally shocked by this, I highly recommend you listen to it's like episode two or three, Prison Bra. That'll give you all the information you need to know. They are unique and meaningful in their own way, and they come with their own realities because sometimes these inmates are not getting out for a while. And there is not going to be a happily ever after. One of the corrections officers told me we deliver divorce papers weekly, whether that is from divorces prior to incarceration or even from the weddings that happened while incarcerated. And that really stuck with me because those situations that these individuals are in, their relationship was put to the test in ways people can't imagine. You can't see them, you can't talk to them all the time, you can't snuggle up with them at bed. You're, if there's kids involved, the spouse that's at home is now the single parent doing it all. So it's not surprising that prison weddings have a higher divorce rate. And I don't judge them. At times I even find it endearing that in these environments there's still love. It's hope. It's us as humans seeking a connection. And even if it doesn't last forever, it still matters. I got asked once, like, oh, do you care if your couples are divorced or if you are marrying people who were previously married? I'm not the Catholic church. I don't care. Go, go ahead. Yeah, fine. When 50% of the world is divorced, it's gonna happen. You find love when you find it. And sometimes it's your second time around or your fifth, or it's the same person or someone you've known forever, but there was a little break in between, or you had to figure out what you didn't want to get to what you wanted. So let me let me nerd out for a second here. I am going to bring you Amanda's 2025 divorce stats. Yep, that's right. My way of tracking weddings for the last few years has been very detail-focused, which is awesome because I love stats. So out of the 75 weddings officiated so far this year, 53 of those were first marriages for both parties. Yahoo. And the remaining, why is that? Oh, the remaining couples had 31 previous marriages between them. So think about that. 75 minus 53 is 22. So 22 weddings, yeah, when you add up the how many everyone's coming in with, they represent 31 previous marriages. 16 previous marriages on the side of the brides and 15 previous marriages on the side of the grooms. And when you think about that, that's a lot of experience in one room. That's a lot of people who figured out what didn't work for them and are coming to do it again. And they all come in with hope. They all come in going, I know the realness of this, I know what's out there. They might have been on dating apps several times, but they all still enter with that hope of maybe this time, this is my person. This will be forever. This is who I see myself growing old with. And isn't that what marriage and life is about? Is like the courage to try it out again. So why are my stats not maybe as fully up to date? You know, you're surely out there going, I'm sure she's got more than 10 divorces. I'm sure I did too. But as the business grew, I stopped trying to add every couple as a friend. Because in my early years, I really wanted to follow along. I wanted to see the baby announcements and the anniversaries and the photos. But when I started marrying a dozen or more couples a year, it became impossible. And everyone's on so many different social media platforms. So I rely on occasional Googling and sleuthing and uh the podcast. I'm very fortunate to have previous couples listening in to see how everyone's doing. And when I hear about a divorce, I get a little sad, but I do not see it as a failure. It's a part of their story. And just because a marriage ends doesn't mean it shouldn't have ever happened in the first place or that it was meaningless. It's just that chapter being complete. It served a time, a purpose, a need. Maybe there was a family born from it. Maybe there were other situations that we just can't even fathom that make it more realistic to divorce. So after 11 years, 250 weddings, 10 non divorces, what I can say is marriage is about courage and bravery. It is two people standing up together and saying, I'm choosing you. I'm going to try, I'm going to work, I'm choosing you because there are no guarantees. There's just hope. And I'm so fortunate to be a part of those beautiful moments. The sincerity and vows, the family and friends who get to celebrate and witness, even if it's for that fleeting moment, and everybody has a thought in the back of their head of this might not work for the fleeting moment of the wedding, the marriage starting, the reception, like not a single everybody takes in that joy. And every idea I've witnessed has been very real in that moment. So I know today was kind of like a gowner of stories, but it's true. So whether it's a first marriage or fifth marriage or a renewal after years apart, what matters is that the couple, the people, they're trying again. I'd love to know your thoughts, you know, especially if you've been married and divorced and found marriage again, or if you kind of figured out how to best make a marriage work to not fall into the 50% statistic. I'd love to hear in. Thank you so much for joining me on an episode of The Wedding Where. I'm going to be putting out some bonus content really soon. We have surpassed a thousand listeners. And then I was like, okay, well, I'll wait till the United States hits a thousand because, you know, I love my listeners in other countries, but sometimes I'm like, oh, it maybe it just slowed onto their pit laylist and they couldn't turn it off quick enough. Though the people that watch, like listen to multiple, okay, no, that's intentional and that's awesome. But I'll be putting out a bonus soon to celebrate hitting a thousand and then coming with the wrap for the year and do some stats. January, we get to celebrate one whole year as a podcast. Thank you so much. And until next time, this has been Amanda. Thank you for listening to The Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on Bussprout and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment, and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at OfficiatingBy Amanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook, WeddingWire, and The Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to the WeddingWare Podcast at gmail.com. And if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmail.com. Thank you so much for tuning in, and until next time, this has been Amanda.