I Filled in for Another Officiant

We share the untold realities of backup officiating, from inclusive ceremonies to last‑minute saves that keep couples on track to say “I do.” The throughline is simple: presence beats perfection, and a real backup plan protects the day.

• why vendors need clear contingency plans
• inclusive officiating when paperwork lags identity
• handling illness, emergencies and no‑shows
• COVID‑era safety choices and policies
• stepping in with hours’ notice and staying calm
• doing the extras that ease stress on the day
• building and using a trusted officiant network
• questions couples should ask every vendor

If you haven’t already, please subscribe, like, comment, and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear
For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at officiating by Amanda
If you have a question you’d like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to the WeddingWare Podcast at gmail.com
If you’re ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmail.com

Chapters

• 0:04 Welcome And Today’s Focus
• 2:53 Why Vendors Need Backups
• 3:31 The Transgender Couple Story
• 8:11 Illness, Emergencies, And Stepping In
• 10:33 COVID Era Risks And Policies
• 12:22 Two COVID Fill‑Ins And A Birth
• 14:08 Doing Whatever It Takes
• 15:22 Building A Backup Network
• 16:44 Takeaways And Calls To Action
• 18:21 Closing And Outtake

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Welcome to the wedding wear with officiating by Amanda. The wedding wear. I filled in for another officiate. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to The Wedding Where. On this podcast, I share stories behind the ceremonies I've done, lessons learned, the funny, the interesting, and the moments that really remind us about weddings and the big days and all of the love that happens on the back end. My name is Amanda. I'm wedding officiant storyteller. And as we all cover today, sometimes I'm pitch hitting. I'm sometimes called upon to be the emergency backup minister. For when things don't go according to plan, I'm always happy to step in. Today's episode is The Wedding Where I filled in for another minister. And I've actually done that a few times. So excited to get to share those with you. You really probably don't think about it for your wedding, but all of your vendors are humans. All of the businesses that they run or companies that they're a part of are all subject to natural disasters, are subject to illness, are subject to financial considerations and stipulations. I've often laughed when people have posted to social media about how their food quote for their wedding went up significantly from when they were looking at the venue to when they actually put forward an official quote. And right, if food costs are growing up in the grocery stores, that is also going to happen with your caterer or your venue that is providing food. Similar thing, you know, oh my gosh, my photographer like sneezed all throughout the ceremony. Yeah, we we get sick, we all get sick, or life happens. We are human. And sometimes we need a backup. And I've filled in on the cases of illness, emergency, really rough situations, sudden scheduling conflict, or family needing to take priority over the business. And the show must go on for weddings. There's so much that goes into the day that the thought of, oh, well, if you're a fishing and can't make it, you you cancel. No, you don't. If the bride or groom can't make it, you cancel. Couples plan for months and years all for this one day. And there's no propose postponing it just because someone is sick or there was a traffic accident. You always have to have a backup plan. And that's what we're going to talk about today is what it was like for me to step in, often very last minute, to these weddings and these situations. Help the couples say I do, try to keep things just as they intended and happy and going, as well as make my own plans should anything knock on wood ever happen to me. So the very first time I filled in was early on in my career. And I'll never forget it. So I got a phone call from a friend and said, Hey, I've got these friends of mine, they're getting married in a month, and they had a minister, they had a script, their minister canceled on them. I'm like, canceled. Like that that doesn't seem normal, but okay, canceled. When I had inquired about what happened, the mutual friend who was kind of connecting us filled me in that the minister backed out on the grounds of their personal beliefs and the couple, being that one of the members, one of the soon-to-be spouses, had actually transitioned and was transgender. And apparently, given the time that it was in society, the paperwork hadn't formally caught up with the transition. And the minister could not wrap their head around the idea that on paper it would say Sarah is marrying Susan, but that they, as the officiant, would be asked to stand up and say that Sarah is marrying Thomas. Totally fictional names. I have two types of weddings I don't do. Two. And the other type of wedding I will not do is pet weddings, whether that is dog to dog or human to the pet that they love. No, thank you. Any other wedding? I'll do two consenting adults who have the legal paperwork from the county, or even the one episode I did where they were already married to other people, so they didn't have the paperwork. I'll do them. I've done prison wedding. You know, I really try not to be the judge of who can and can't or should and shouldn't get married. So I immediately said, like, yes, introduce me to the couple. I have no qualms. I'd love to learn more and I'd love to help however I can. And so I met with them and they were fantastic and just so excited to start their lives and to make this all official. And I put it together. I started grabbing the pieces of the script that they had, any information that they wanted me to share, any edits that they didn't like to the existing script. And not a doubt in my mind. We did do a for the paperwork ceremony, if you will, behind closed doors, just because I wanted to make sure that what was legally written on paper is what was understood to be the marriage that was happening. But I've done weddings where the groom goes by a nickname. I've done weddings where the bride doesn't go by their last name because it was an adoption situation or something. Names are not the most defining factor within a wedding. And I happily went out and said, yep, Sarah's marrying Tom. We're all so excited. What a great life. That's just how we do it. But I'm here to make sure that everyone, regardless of who they are, who they love, who they are growing to be over time, gets their moment to see their love be recognized, to be celebrated, and to be seen. Not every fill-in moment is quite so, wow. Oh my goodness. Sometimes is just unpredictable. I filled in for ministers who've gotten sick or have had emergencies. There's one who had a heart attack about a month before the wedding, and it was going to be hit or miss if they were going to be out of the hospital or out of the rehab that they were in. So again, I worked with the couple. I kind of said, hey, I don't want to step on anyone's toes. You've got to make the call with your current officiant. But maybe tell them they don't have to worry. Stress is off. I've got it. I will take it from here. And we just we just did it. I showed up and was able to say, okay, what do you need? Let's make it happen. That one actually was, they got married in their bathing suits, in case you want to listen into that one. And what I find works well with the emergency fill-ins, not just in the efficient realm, but in any of your vendors for the wedding day, is when it all comes together and is able to be pulled off. That's the best thing because that's what love is. It isn't about perfection. It's about presence. It isn't about things going according to plan. It's about things getting done. I really do like to step in and fill in. I'd rather have more timing than less timing, but I work with what I've got. We had a family friend of my mom's. Her daughter was getting married and had the hardest time getting a straight answer from their officiant up to three days before the wedding. The guy was just not responsive. And so you get the panicked phone call. Are you free? Can you step in? We want you to help. Okay, not a problem. Let's do it. Let's figure it out. I don't care if we're signing paperwork on a cocktail napkin or, you know, shaking hands and making it work. You've got a lot going into this day. Let's just let it be. But because everyone can get sick or may get sick, I've had to start thinking about what I would do if I got sick. And thankfully, I had my college roommate, her mom, also got ordained. And for the longest time, we always kind of had each other as an unofficial backup. Then COVID hit. Oh, COVID. We all remember what that was like with uncertainty and rescheduling. And can we have this many guests? No, you can only have this many, and they have to be six feet apart. And the masks that were gifts and favors, and Zoom weddings happened a lot. For us as officiants, it was really different in how do we make this work? Not just for our couples, but also keeping ourselves safe. And it's actually one of the reasons why I have a clause about if you as a member of the couple are sick on your wedding day, just do me the courtesy of letting me know and letting me make the decisions for what sort of personal safety or protection I might put in place. I'm not saying I'm canceling. I'm not saying I'm not coming. Just let me know. I carry a mask. I can put it on if you're sick, if I'm sick, if we just need to do the wedding. Because we really do have to remember that we're human and we as humans have lives and families and people who could also get sick. So there were two weddings during COVID that I actually filled in for my college roommates because my college roommate was pregnant and high risk at the time. And the first couple, they had let her know that they were coming in from New York City when the spread count was really, really high. And her daughter was about three weeks away from due date. And she's like, my gosh, if I do this wedding and am exposed, I might not be able to be in the delivery room with my daughter. I can't take that risk. Amanda, all yours. So that was great. We were able to coordinate over the phone. We reviewed her notes and yeah, let the couple know what was going on and why. I stepped in her shoes and it was really deeply personal, not just because I was helping her out, but I also knew the the weight behind her decision to do this. The second one I filled in for her for was a Halloween wedding. And that was because my culture mate went into labor. So yeah, mom had to be there. I had maybe 18 hours notice. I got a phone call that said, her water broke and I have a wedding tomorrow. And I said, You don't have a wedding tomorrow anymore. And she goes, I'm just gonna leave you some notes at my house. If you can swing by and get them, it's the script, it's the names of the couple, it's anything. I didn't know what these people looked like when I showed up. That's a lot of fun too when I'm filling in. I know nothing. Showed up. I said, Okay, hi, I'm Amanda. You're probably waiting for the other officiant. Here's the situation. We're very excited. I know what I'm doing. How else can I help you? And those moments of just being able to be present with them, acknowledge, yeah, this is gonna feel a little bit stressful, but also provide that confidence. Like, I'm not stressed. You can be all the stressed you want to be, but I'm not stressed. And I I offered help however I can, because it's doing whatever it takes to make the day happen. And if I can be the person that helped more than helped less, I'd rather be helped more. So I dressed a dog as a groomsman, complete with a little bow tie and a little capsule that had the rings in it. I've done a full rehearsal with bridal parties that I only met an hour before. I've held flowers and fluffed veils, calmed down the nerves, tied the ties of fathers of the bride, all in moments that I don't know if their scheduled efficient would have done it, but I just wanted to make sure that I was being of the most service in the place that I was in. It goes a long way. And weddings are full of moving parts. Being flexible is half of that job, like moving to be flexible. So over the years, I've definitely learned that it is important to have fill-ins. There's a huge value to backups. So I have kept a network of officiants in my back pocket, colleagues that I call if something unexpected happens, or if a wedding's just going to be outside of my purview. And I had my first double booking this year. And I had to acknowledge that I couldn't be in two places at one time, even if I tried. So I had to call in somebody. But they're also there, should there be family events or a new baby or illness or just anything. If I've learned anything in the last 11 years, it's that the unexpected is going to happen. But like in marriage, trusting in with people makes all the difference. And I trust Beyond Belief, I would cover for any of my officiants that I know. I know that they would bend over backwards to cover for me. It's great to do this kind of work because we show up, we hold space, we make sure that love is present within the moment, even if there were adjustments needed or twists and turns. And that's the story that we all really get to share. So that was today's little snippet to the wedding where I had to fill in for another minister. And uh thankfully I haven't had to do it a ton, but each one is definitely memorable. Emergencies that then got me thinking, oh, whoa, what if it was my water that broke? To meaningful moments, to just helping somebody and doing so without judgment, being able to say yes when somebody else said no. I love that. Make sure if you're anybody in the wedding industry, you've got backup plans. That's a biggie, biggie, biggie. And for couples, ask. Ask every vendor, Owen, what if you get sick? What if there's an accident? What if make sure that they can be held accountable for what it is that you're hoping that they're going to be able to do? Because you can plan out everything you want to, and some things still aren't going to go right. So thank you for listening to The Wedding Wear. So whether I might be your first call for an officiant or your backup call, I'm just happy to be a part of the process. Until next time, this has been Amanda. Thank you for listening to The Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on Budspray and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment, and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at officiating by Amanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook, WeddingWire, and The Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to the WeddingWare Podcast at gmail.com. And if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmail.com. Thank you so much for tuning in, and until next time, this has been Amanda. Enjoy the following outtake, courtesy of my husband. The wedding wear. Do you see the decibels on that shit? Jesus Christ.