The Wedding Where...

Interview with Emily and Bobby part 1

• Amanda Walck Ottinger • Season 1 • Episode 29

Share episode

Send me a message or any questions!

The best wedding stories aren’t polished—they’re true. Emily and Bobby take us from OKCupid chaos to a tractor-stalled first date, then straight into two ceremonies that honored both practicality and heart: a tiny elopement with dogs and koi pond serenity, followed by a vintage garden party built on lawn games, Peaky Blinders flair, and a soundtrack curated with zero compromises.

We dig into the choices that actually reduce stress: separating the legal moment from the big celebration, creating a guest-list matrix so invites feel fair, and naming must-haves early so everything else can flex. You’ll hear how they wove history-loving aesthetics with subtle fandom nods, why they swapped the cake for pies, cannoli, and chocolate-dipped cupcakes, and how rain forced a full layout flip in minutes—without derailing the joy. Their stance on music is a masterclass in boundaries: no crowd-pleasers needed if they don’t fit your taste, because the day should sound like you.

Along the way, they share the real support that made it work: how to make dogs work at an elopement, a groom hauling and building what mattered, and an officiant who welcomed a two-ceremony plan instead of policing it. If you’re wrestling with vendor fit, family politics, or theme overload, this conversation offers clear, lived-in strategies: test vendors when you can, keep instructions simple, and remember that the essentials are shockingly few—two people and the words that bind them.

If this resonates, hit follow, share with a friend planning right now, and leave a quick review. It helps more couples find calm, make braver choices, and design days they’ll actually love living.

Support the show

Thank you for sharing the podcast with others who may enjoy it! Share your funny wedding stories with me at theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com. Any links referenced are on linktree.

Amanda:

Welcome to the wedding where with officiating by amanda.

Everyone:

Welcome back to the wedding where today. Very, very special. A twofer, if you will, not just with the number of episodes. I'm pretty sure it will be two episodes, but I have two very special guests here with me today Emily and Bobby. And oh gosh, I'll look it up in a second to tell you what couple numbers they were. That's right. This couple's very big into twofers. They're both here today. They had a elopement and then a big party celebration, big to-do wedding. And they're just they're just awesome. And before I dive in, I wanted to wish you both a very happy anniversary on day of recording. Thank you.

Emily:

Yes.

Amanda:

Well, perfect. So just to share, we are a little bit whining. We'll be a little bit more whining, except for Bobby. He's a good boy, he's a driver. We love a good solid DD. Absolutely. I love it. So content warning, content label. Take it for whatever you will. You've been warned. And this is what it is. But I am really wondering what numbers were you? Because you guys were both as I was getting a little more weighty after COVID was kind of dying down. And then additionally, you know, obviously what nine months later, a year? No. I think it was only six months later. Six months later. Yeah. Oh, but we have two numbers then. You do have two numbers, but this one. I think this one's. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you'll have two numbers. So let's see here. So with couple 96 and 125, I don't know. You say 125, you say 96. You want to just pretend like you're two separate couples? Sure. You talk about wedding 96. You talk about wedding 125. Hey, yay. I'm joking. I have with me Emily and Bobby. So I just we're gonna start a little cheers here, friends. Sounds good, yeah. Thank you guys so much for joining me today. Happy anniversary. So, first off, how are you? How are you feeling about this whole thing?

Emily:

Good. Can't complain.

Bobby:

It's been fun.

Amanda:

Yeah. Any any nerves? Any like, oh gosh, we could better watch our P's and Q's.

Emily:

Oh no, that's why there's uh so I have a you can't see, I have a full script here with bullet points because I want to make sure that I answer the questions in the way that I want to answer them because I will just go off on a tangent about one thing and I'll forget like what the real answer like should or could be.

Bobby:

Yeah. So turn from two episodes to a series, real quick.

Emily:

And then Bobby will go to answer the question and go, I don't know, what she said. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty much what I need to be reined in and and he needs to be supported. Yeah.

Amanda:

Supported. And and sharing the space as well, too, which I find is so important for couples, especially in weddings, is finding the right balance and blend between, you know, bride, groom, things you want, things you have to have, things that drive you insane. And even with personal vows and scripts as you, as you guys had, you know, finding where that balance is of okay, well, I want to be a little sappy and sentimental and I want to make her laugh. Bobby, I know you were like a few times like I'm gonna say this, and don't worry, Matt. And you don't have to get that joke. She's gonna get it. She's gonna laugh, crying on that one. Yep, she'll laugh again on that one.

Emily:

Yeah. There were there were some cues. In in the elopement ceremony, there was an inside joke that was highly inappropriate that you would not know. Oh, it was above my page was highly inappropriate. And so then at dinner that night, I had to explain to our guests what that joke was.

Bobby:

To be fair, all the guys had already heard that story.

Emily:

All the guys had already heard that story, and I think Crystal, my matron of honor, had heard that story. But I think to everybody else, it was just a new and and then they couldn't believe that you said that in your mouths because again, hearing it like you would normally totally innocent thing, like, oh, it's just an inside joke, whatever. It was very much a joke about genitalia.

Amanda:

So when I was in charge of Greek Life, needed to have Greek week, and they were allowed to do roasts. There was a season where they got rid of Freak Week because things were just given. That's yeah, that's fair. When they brought it back, I had to agree with the dean of students on a certain rules. And one of the rules was all of the roasts had to be approved by me before he said. And I let the students again, you're 18, 22 years old. I'll let you get three real good zingers in. But there's certain jokes you don't make, you know, drugs, suicide. There's there's certain things you don't make. Can I tell you there was one speech every year where I swear I almost lost my job because it's not what's written, it's what's inferred, what's cloudated. So the one girl, her speech was like, Oh, Taylor, we're sure you really love the winter this year with all of that snow. And again, I knew the student actually came from like the south. I'm like, oh, maybe maybe she's never seen snow. That's totally innocuous. Gets up there and goes, Jenna, I'm sure Taylor, I'm sure you really love this winter with all that snow. And everybody lost it. And I'm there, like, yeah, and there goes my job, and there goes my job, and there goes my job. Right. And the one girl one year ended her speech listing off all of these guys' names. I'm thinking, okay, they've got sweethearts or friends, or you know, whatever. These could all be. I have a lot of fun fraternity guys. Maybe these are her friends. She goes, Yes, and I want to give a shout-out to Mike and Tom and Bob and Joe, and dah dah. She lists like 10 names. And what was not in the script was the ad lib, and yes, that's an order of penis size. Nice. And everyone, I am like, there goes my job. So I well done on sliding that in past me because you know we we did, you know, but man. Well, finalizing out this uh this little introduction here, which I'm gonna probably tailor a bit. Tell the people at home in as much detail as you want who the heck you guys are.

Emily:

Who are you? I've been trying to answer that question my whole life. Didn't you actually know it's right there on the script? Didn't you know? And I didn't answer it because I didn't know how.

Everyone:

Didn't you know this is actually like a shrink podcast? That's fine. Get deep. Who are you?

Bobby:

Sorry, what are your name? A Scorpio.

Emily:

Right, okay, a Scorpio. I'm Emily. I am a Scorpio, but I'm a Scorpio that sought help. You know, I'm not I don't have the typical moodiness of a Scorpio. People don't normally think I'm a Scorpio. And Bobby, you're I don't know what star sign you are because I'm not really into it, but I know that you're one of the ones that's just like very nice and calm. And it it balances me out.

unknown:

Yeah.

Bobby:

The answer is Virgo.

Emily:

You're Virgo.

Bobby:

Yeah.

Emily:

You've been married for a whole year, and you're we've been we we have we have yeah, we've only almost been married two years almost. Yeah, and we've been together. So wedding 96 was on our fifth anniversary. So yeah, we've been together we've been together for what, six years now? Almost seven. See, it was on our fifth anniversary, and we're almost at two, so five plus twos.

Bobby:

Your younger one is either.

Emily:

He does that joke with everybody, and nobody ever laughs. Like it's like a penny laugh, right? It's like, oh, I get it now, right? Find different material. I laugh in your vows as well. So like to always laugh at your jokes. Yes, I'm the only one that likes it. You know what? Uh, that's the only vow that I've been having a hard time honoring. All the other ones about sickness and health and richer and poorer, that's all fine and good. The laughing at the jokes is sometimes hard. It's sometimes so difficult.

Bobby:

You make it so much to work with.

Emily:

You do. He really, he really does. On the way here, he was just cracking jokes the whole time. Like long car rides together is just joke after joke after joke, and and reference after reference. And like at a certain point, I just start to like turn up the music like bit by bit until I can't hear him anymore.

Bobby:

The jokes are still there as you just not get into the soundway with him.

Emily:

Whatever is on is loud.

Amanda:

I love you guys. This is gonna be a three. Y'all, this might need to be a three-parter. I think I don't think I've overdone the two-furnace. We might need to make them a three. So, starting off from your script, please note I didn't write their script. These are not me scripted answers, these are couple scripted answers because I don't like to put anyone on the spot because I don't like to officiate on the spot. That's not fun. I don't know. So we all like our little outlines on our scripts. How did you guys meet? And is there anything that was like a meat cute with your engagement? So I have to start out with I don't really know what meat cute is. Like, oh, my dog had run away, and it turns out it was always in his backyard, you know, like Oh, then we were meat ugly. Okay. Okay.

Emily:

Yeah, I went wrong. It's like meat eh.

Everyone:

It's not or just like anything like his mini. Like, yeah, I wasn't gonna go out that night at all. And then, or like with me and my husband, I, you know, I was living my my hot girl summer. I just had weight loss surgery. I was like, oh, I'm gonna date a lot.

Emily:

Oh, I'm not summer, yeah.

Amanda:

I'm not gonna tie myself down to anything or anyone. I was on like four fourth dates and five third dates and lots of second dates. Like, I didn't pay for meals for like an entire month and a half. I had text upon text, boys upon boys. I was not meeting anyone for purpose. Right. And I matched with him and I met him and went, shit. What what site were you on? Facebook dating. Oh, Facebook, oh it was on I've been on many. Uh hey and Joe Kupid were like my primary in college. Yeah. Facebook dating. I'll tell you my story about Christian Bingle. Oh no. So, but I was like, Oh, really? I have doing this. And I met him and I'm like, crap. And I texted my best friend and said, I think this is my last first date for a while. And she goes, Oh, what about all the other dates? I'm like, I just ended this date and told him I'm going to spend the next month kind of closing down all of the other communications. We went on four dates then in the first week. Him and I. Yeah, yeah. That's when I like you. When I was chatting with him and saying, gosh, I've been dating for the better part of 10 years online and no real success. And oh, it's been so hard. He's like, Yeah, it's been really hard. I go, Well, how long have you been on? Oh, four days. I'm like, I'm sorry. Well, he goes, I'm like, two of them were bots. And he's like, and you know what? Honestly, I didn't I didn't know that I wanted to like set my radius as low, as low as Reading, Pennsylvania, because I heard things about Reading girls. And I'm like, so wait, you were on for four days and you were almost so picky that you missed me.

Emily:

That is not the case for most men. No, no, that is not how it goes at all.

Everyone:

He liked that and giving them my number at first. Like, you'd work for it. I'm like, you're not getting my number. Yeah, yeah. You got it. So back to you, Mag. How did you meet? And uh anything funny or really cute with your engagement.

Emily:

So I I think I think I was also maybe in a hot girl summer at that point. I just lost somebody very close to me. And I so I was like grieving and drinking a lot and dating a lot, and it was my first summer out of a long-term relationship. And I'm I'm still very close with that person, but it was like my first summer of freedom. And so, you know, I was meeting people, going on dates, doing a little more than dates, you know, you know, whatever. So I was on, I was on okay, Cupid, Tinder, and Bumble. And then at a certain point, like I did have a stipulation on there that I was looking to have a relationship of some sort, that it wasn't just hookups. And a lot of the people I was talking to, it would end up like they would say, Yeah, you know, I I want to go out, you know, I want to go out on dates. I I want to be in a relationship with you, whatever. And we'd make a first date and they'd be like, Oh, I have to cancel. And I'm like, Well, I could just come over your house. And then it would be a hookup. And then, and then you don't talk anymore after that because it's very awkward. So I like narrowed it down to okay, Cupid. I answered, I mean, okay, Cupid had a million questions about every topic under the sun. I answered every single one I could. I'm like, I'm, you know what? I'm ready to find somebody that because I I had lost any taste I had for the quick, like, oh, we'll go on a couple dates and then that's it. I was like, no, you know what? I'm not good outside of a relationship and like having a person that I'm consistently with.

Everyone:

And I liked on OK Cupid that not only did you answer a question, but then I asked, How important is this to you? Which I think is so valid in in relationships to talk to like again, when I say like, I like religion, how important is it to you? It's not, you know, right, you know, right. And even just having those conversations with yourself, something that you would put down again, would would you fight for it? Would you die for it? Were you going to stop conversation for it because of XYZ? And if so great, put it down as undisputable. Okay. Honestly, you're you're like, so you know what? As long as they're taking care of themselves in the way that they can, yeah. It's not a make or break for me. And I'd love that okay would ask that because they have to really attempt to filter out. Now, I don't know if when guys answer, they actually pay attention to that little second question, or they just go, doesn't matter, doesn't matter, doesn't matter. So no.

Bobby:

We'll get to my part.

Emily:

So yeah, not soundscript. So I'm on okay cube. And of course, as a as a woman, you get, I mean, a million, and I I don't mind sharing I'm bisexual, pansexual, whatever you want to call it. And gorgeous. So like thank you. So like it's you know, I had it open to literally anybody that identified with any gender could contact me. I'm willing to have, you know, at least a conversation with as long as they were open to that for you. Like, if I find a literal human that meets my specifications, I'm open to it. Well, let me tell you, it's just male, male, male, male down the line, down the line. So I'm scrolling through, and you, you know, you get like 200, like it's crazy. And I'm scrolling through and I'm like, holy shit, I know this guy, and I know he has a girlfriend, and he is cheating on her. And I'm I'm looking at this profile. And I clicked on it, and it was not the person I thought it was. It was Bobby. And I was like, okay, this guy's cute. Because I thought her boyfriend was adorable. Bobby having Evil Plant that I didn't know about. No, it just somebody that looks very much like him when they both wear hats. And he was his profile picture was him. What when you were like 16, 17? Like you weren't like you were like a child. You were not as old in that picture as you were in real life. You were like 25 when we met, but that was- I was 20 in that picture. Okay, you looked like you were like 15. I knew it had to be an old picture. And right without the facial hair time, you couldn't. Yeah, he looks very young. And he was holding a giant anaconda. Oops, not an You got a big one, don't you?

Bobby:

That'll come up too, don't worry.

Emily:

Yeah, he's told us like every single girl that did contact him said something of that nature. And so I I was like, you know what? Do I want to swipe right on this guy? He's pretty cute. And then I see 73% match, and I have this rule for myself that if they didn't answer the questions, if it's not an 85 or higher, I'm not swiping right.

Everyone:

Because you could also see the count of like how many questions or how wrong based on because again, if you only answered five things, but they all match, it'd say 100% match right week. Yeah.

Emily:

Exactly. And I saw that he did not answer any of the questions. I'm like, uh, you know what? I'll just swipe right. Make him answer. I'll just I'll just swipe right and I'll yeah, and like I'll just ask him questions if I if I need to. And that swipe was literally, I mean, it changed my whole life, but it didn't initially because we talked for two weeks, right? And then I actually was messaging other guys and I've I met another guy and we went out for two weeks and I stopped talking to him for two weeks. I I ghosted Bobby for two whole weeks, didn't believe somebody else. I can't believe you alone with that. I know, and then you know I came right back because I was like, hmm, this guy's got he's got a little something, you know.

Everyone:

But on the other side, so I never I'm just gonna interject here. I love that you're here because I never get the other side. I get the story of like, well, and this is what I told my husband, and it was a done deal. And it's like, oh that's great, but was it really so no, tell me, how was it on the other side?

Bobby:

So I was also on dating apps, but I would only do two at a time. So like I wasn't trying to go crazy, but trying to meet somebody. And so at one point I had Tinder, plenty of fish, but both terrible. Okay, Cupid and eHarmony.

Everyone:

That's four now, two.

Bobby:

I did uh Tinder and Plenty of Fish first and then swapped too.

Everyone:

Got it, got it, got it.

Bobby:

And uh guys side of all that, it's nothing but bots, people looking for just hookups, sugar daddies, sugar daddies, even the dialogue.

Emily:

You wanna pay me? Pay me.

Bobby:

Yeah.

Emily:

He couldn't have been a sugar daddy.

unknown:

Come on.

Bobby:

Sugar mama once in a while, that was interesting. I didn't like answering those either. Or you just never would get a response whatsoever. So at one point, yeah, I even had someone who I matched with, was talking to, and then I got confirmation of another match, and it was that same profile. But we were playing in a meet. So I was like, Are you is this you or is this you? Like which one is it?

Everyone:

Yeah. So in all the the strings of the bots and the the similar profile picks, somewhere out of that mess. King this gem?

Bobby:

Yep. So it's all about the uh percentage basically. So it's the algorithm. Yeah, I had to basically swipe right on everybody, like every picture and everything, just to see if anybody would match whatsoever. He may have. There is a chance my best friend didn't. He was also swiping for me.

Everyone:

I did I did a swipe party with a bunch of my friends out in Pittsburgh, and we all opened up, we all unlocked our phones with a lot of wine. You pass it to the person, yeah, and they have 15 minutes. They can pick any of your open apps, go in and like people on your behalf. They've got 15 minutes, and you just pass around the circle. Like maybe your friends see something that you were overthinking or overlooking.

Bobby:

There was no thought involved at all.

Everyone:

Yeah, yeah, it was just a boop, boop, okay, good job, Fred.

Bobby:

Yep. So before Emily, I was talking to another girl, and this girl, it was never gonna work with her. She was Emily talks a lot. This girl puts you into shame. There was a two-hour phone call where I didn't say a single word, put myself on mute, and played a game instead, and forgot I was on a phone call. She never noticed.

Emily:

That's brutal. No, that's brutal on your behalf.

Everyone:

That's kind of mean.

Bobby:

I never got another word in.

Everyone:

Because if he had, he would have been like, hey, uh, this isn't working for me.

Bobby:

So then we started talking. And I was like, all right, well, we'll see how this goes, whatever. You know, single for a while, so nothing changes, nothing's crazy gonna happen.

Everyone:

Not necessarily in a rush, rush. I mean, it's not like you're 50 trying to be like, got get married. No.

Bobby:

But then all of a sudden, I was like, oh, I guess that's not wrong because she hasn't talked to me in a couple of days, so whatever. Ignore that. I think it was on Wednesday you texted me again, which is my bowling night with my my guy friends. I'm looking at this, I'm like, should I even talk to this girl? She just ghosted me for two weeks.

Everyone:

Came back at Bella Blue.

Bobby:

I think I waited for like a good hour or so, and then I finally responded.

Emily:

Yeah. I was like, oh, this guy isn't gonna Well, because I I didn't think our conversation was going anywhere. I I you know what? I profiled you. Like I looked at you and I went, okay, I know this about this person. I I'm not a religious person, and I like just from talking from talking assumptions turned out to be wrong. He seemed so respectful that I was like, he has to be a devout Christian. I it was in my mind, and he is not.

Everyone:

And can I get you to admit on mic, I was wrong? I was wrong.

Emily:

Oh, I was so wrong. I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong. Yeah.

Bobby:

I needed that I needed that sound clip for a while.

Emily:

Yeah. Don't worry, that's gonna be like the little intro version. I was wrong.

Bobby:

It could be the title.

Emily:

He's gonna get it like a build-up bear with it in it where he can press the paw and yeah, the especially when you're in the middle of an argument, you just hear a little I was wrong. So then we were talking for like another two weeks now, and then Yeah, we did wait like a month before we actually met in person. So I think we were both done with like so.

Bobby:

Then we met. We met at an Applebee's. But this was this this should have been the clue for the entire relationship up until even today. Because some like somebody was late.

Emily:

Running late. I was so nervous. Like I was so nervous to meet him because things had really spiced up in the two weeks post-ghosting, and I was like, oh, okay, this guy, he is fine. And so I was nervous, and then I was running late. And then in our region of New Jersey, there are fields everywhere. It was September, and I got stuck behind a tractor. And I don't mind admitting this, but while I was driving, I pulled out my phone, took a picture of the tractor, and sent it to him to be like, I am not standing you up. I'm stuck behind this tractor. And it's not like his planning, like it's yeah, no, 100%. It's the tractor, it's not me. Yeah, so I I went, I wanted to make sure that I wasn't ghosting you.

Bobby:

I was already there. I was two seconds walking order without you.

Emily:

Yeah, as soon as I pulled, and I like I was almost shaking from nerves, you know, from running late, from and from meeting a new person. I like can you tell by the script that I I have anxiety, like pretty bad anxiety? And Bobby got out of his car because I, you know, I was like looking around the parking lot. He got out of his car, he came up to me, and he just gave me like the the biggest hug I've ever gotten from somebody that I've never met. And I'm not a hugger, I'm not crazy about physical touch. And he gave me this like big hug. He really wrapped me up, and all of my anxiety washed away. And it was like I had known him before. Like it wasn't like love at first sight type of thing. Like, I don't know, really know if I believe in that, but it definitely was like, I felt like I knew you, I could trust you. And there's comfort. Yeah, and I was like, whoa, this is this is a different experience than I've ever had in my whole life with this person. Like, at least it's gonna be a very good relationship.

Everyone:

Yeah. And then from there, you guys dated. Let me think if I've got this right. You dated about four years, and then you got no dated about three years, you got engaged at four years, and then the first wedding was at five years.

Emily:

No, slightly off. We so we did not actually get engaged.

Everyone:

We did not have Oh, I right. It was a watch and a ring thing, right? Yeah. Getting a ring at first wedding.

Emily:

Yeah. I I have health problems, and April of 2023. Okay, and then you got I was in the yeah, I was in the hospital and like they wouldn't let him in to see me, and like, because I was in the ICU, like it was a whole thing. And so then we started playing with the idea of like, what if we got married, then we would not have any of this, like yeah. Like it wasn't it, it just it wasn't like there was any one moment where we were like, Yes, we should get married. Like, there wasn't any one moment. It was just like this, this is the natural progression of our relationship. We love each other.

Bobby:

I will point out that I asked you what would change if we got married.

Emily:

Yeah.

Bobby:

And we both agreed nothing would change. It's we would just be married now and a title.

Everyone:

Right. You know? Yeah, we didn't work that goal. Like, yeah, again, the things that change are the things that don't necessarily matter until they matter. Like legal, the paperwork, insurance and benefits, things like that. Like they're all great ancillary. They don't matter as much as the love until they get hauled in, like, can't visit someone in the hospital.

Bobby:

Yeah, I feel like a lot of people make the mistake of like, oh, we're having this issue, but if we got married, it's gonna fix that issue.

Emily:

Yeah, and that wasn't it at all. It it really just made it more convenient in a way. Or they married to fix the issues with the love. Yeah, not have these expectations, like we're gonna get married, and then things are gonna be amazing. We're gonna wake up the next day and be new people, and that's not how it goes. You're literally the same person that you were the day before, or you should be. Right. Some might be a little hungover, so yeah, yeah, better, you know, within reason.

Everyone:

Right. But yeah, so you guys both just said we're gonna get engaged. Yeah, thank you for reminding me about like not having a ring. Because I'm writing into the first script of like, and you're actually getting like your engagement ring. Yeah. Oh, I've got to be.

Emily:

Yeah. I had I had both my engagement ring and my wedding band before I had been wearing my engagement ring because people did not understand that I was engaged, I was getting married, but I didn't have a ring. So I started wearing it to work, and I was very nervous about wearing jewelry. I don't wear jewelry. So I started wearing it to work so people would like get off my back about it.

Everyone:

Right that like as women, we have to like have a piece of possession property in order for others to kind of respect or understand or leave us alone. Yeah.

Bobby:

Meanwhile, guys are optional to wear a wedding ring or not. Like it's actually odd that I do.

Everyone:

Right. Yeah. I think it was odd that my husband wanted one. Like I was playing to get him a silicone one, you know, just for comfort with his anxiety. I've got him Star Wars ones and Lord of the Ring one, and a lot of like us got a whole bunch. And then we went to go pick out my ring, and he saw one with like hammered metal, and that really just spoke to like his textile senses. Although I laugh because I can hear him playing with it and like spinning around on his finger.

Emily:

And then you hear, look, I'm like, yeah, I can't tell you how many times I got up before you lose it. Well, wedding ring shopping for him. So he's got these two bowling rings, and they are the most gaudy thing I've ever seen in my in my life.

Everyone:

For the listeners at home, these are honking like UFC Super Bowl fighting championship rings. Like, I think men's high school class ring bedazzled and up a level.

Bobby:

So over looking at the rings, she's picking out all these crazy bulky rings. Like, no, that's not what I wanted. I want something simple.

Emily:

I wanted something that would accent, because I've got I've got like a nice vintage set. And I thought if it were something that had a little bit of accent or engraving, it would be nice. It would be fancy for him. It would be, you know, it would accent my ring. And he was just going for the the ones that looked like someone You got a good complimentary ring there, though. That's that's a good one.

Bobby:

I wasn't even there.

Emily:

We went to offer many. Oh we went to two stores before I picked out my engagement ring. I saw it, I knew it was the one, we got it, and we got the band custom made to go with it because I couldn't find one I liked.

Bobby:

We went to eight or so, and I stood in it was always the same 20 rings in all these stores.

Emily:

For guys, yeah, typically, yeah.

Bobby:

Well, I don't like any of these.

Emily:

And I'm like, why are we gonna spend a thousand dollars on a ring that you don't even like? So I went on Amazon. I didn't show him the prices, the materials, nothing. I just did screenshots and I said, Okay, it was like Marsh Madness. And I said, Okay, out of these two, what do you like? And we narrowed it down to two rings, and he said he didn't care which one. And I said, Okay, I need something to put on your finger at the wedding. So I'm gonna pick one and you're just gonna like it. He went, Okay.

Bobby:

I would have been fine with a ring pop.

Emily:

I could have done that too. A ring pop seemed too gaudy with the things you were picking out, honestly, too bright, too blingy. Yeah, I had to find something to put on him. But we did do the wash. Are you wearing it right now? We did do the watch. Yeah, so I and that was I you were talking earlier about very simple. You were talking earlier about like equality in weddings, and like, you know, it seems like the pride's too more. This was very much like I will say with the wedding planning, I did almost all the planning. That that's my strongest. Yeah, I'm not gonna make him do that if that's not what he's good at. Otherwise, things aren't gonna meet my expectations and be disappointed because I'm upset. It but with everything else, I wanted to make sure, like, you deserve a gift too for getting engaged. I got my ring, I wanted to get you something, and your watch has a real diamond, and I don't even have I didn't want a diamond. I was like, Don't you dare buy a diamond because it's gonna fall out and then I'm gonna feel terrible about it. Like, this is what, like CZ or something. I'm like, get me a diamond when we're married 50 years. That'll be great.

Bobby:

I'll just give it a diamond in 50 years.

Emily:

That's fine. Um, it's a diamond. Yeah, but I I mean your watch cost almost as much as my ring. I wanted to make sure that he was, you know, getting, yeah, equal. And that I mean, that goes right down to uh at our May wedding. He I had you ask everybody to rise for him to walk down the aisle because I I I think that was me kind of showing maybe people that had some opinions like, no, this isn't about me, this is about the two of us. We are both, you know, excited to be here. We both deserve the respect and the attention and everything else. And yeah, that like that's been a theme throughout, is just trying to make sure that you know we're both represented in everything. Except right now when I don't let you talk.

Bobby:

I'm doing fair job.

Everyone:

Well, and again, in kind of sharing that, you know, workload when possible, sharing responsibility when possible, sharing a spotlight with possible. I think those are all really great things. Is that the advice that you would give to couples when playing their wedding, or do you have a different piece of advice?

Emily:

Oh, for sure, mine is it it does not need to be perfect. You have to find a way to just roll with the punches. Like my I just kept saying to myself, like, it doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be, especially with the elopement. As long as we were legally married at the end of the day, because I would have been really sad if it was a different date. The date did matter. As long as we were married at the end of the day, I did not care if everything went up in flames. As long as I am married to my spouse and we're happy, that's all that mattered. I wish I had had that outlook with May, because May was more of a party for our family and not really us getting married. I was so focused on impressing everyone. That does not matter. Well, it does not.

Everyone:

That's why I think it's good that you had the part that mattered. Yeah. The part that was for everyone else, you know, and my husband and I with the selfie nine license, we signed it the night before with a few witnesses. Yeah. Because we knew day up, we're saying great things in our vows, but by and large, it's for the 150 guests.

unknown:

Yeah.

Everyone:

We're getting married. Yeah. But it's also a little bit of a show. And so we look back on, you know, some of those key moments, and a lot of them came from the lead up to versus the day. Yeah. And the post versus the moments. So, Bobby, what do you have to say for couples that are in wedding planning? What advice would you give?

Bobby:

I agreed with Emily. Everything can go horribly wrong. Whatever plans you have can go wrong. Go out the window. You know, car breaks down on the way to the venue. The caterer doesn't show up. As long as there's you need to have two people there, and everything else can be by the wayside. You need your partner and the officiant. Everything else doesn't matter. Because you need somebody to actually be there. The Mary.

Everyone:

And you don't need witnesses. So Right. Some places I've been where uh New Jersey, for example, Jersey weddings with a Jersey license, my friends. I'm so happy you didn't do that. You have to fill it out in quadruplicate, and you need two witnesses, and you need a witness when you go apply.

Emily:

That's why our elotement was more than just the two of us, is because we originally were looking to do our elotement in like Massachusetts or New Jersey or wherever. And we had already asked two people to be our witnesses. And then, yeah, and then when we decided on Pennsylvania, we were like, well, we can't tell them not to come now. We probably could have. They're pretty cool. But I didn't want to do that to them. And then it ended up where it's like, well, he wanted his best friend there. I wanted my best friend there. And then they're partners. And you have like 10, maybe 15 people max. We had we had eight people. Eight. Perfect. Eight people. You were number nine. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. It was it was nice. It was, it was no, it was like, listen, here's the chairs. Sit. If you can be there, be there. If you can't, that's fine. Like I didn't care whether it was the two of us or it was 10 of us. It did not matter. You know that that's it just hits that core of try your best to focus on what matters. Everything else is superficial.

Everyone:

So, Bobby, how did you handle the stress of wedding planning?

Bobby:

I did not.

Everyone:

You didn't handle it well?

Bobby:

No, I didn't handle it at all.

Everyone:

Good for you. No. Emily little elements that you kind of like helped give feedback on or pivot. Like my husband did a lot of. I'd lay out the plan to get the plan 90% through execution. I tell them about the plan the entire step of the way. He'd come in at the final moment to like carry over the threshold and then go, Well, why are you doing it like this? I think if you did like that, and I'm like, that is a genius idea, but not helpful right now. Where were you six months ago?

Bobby:

I don't think I even did that.

Everyone:

Okay.

Bobby:

So I let Emily have the reins on this one entirely.

Everyone:

Okay, so then I'll ask the better person. Emily, did you have any stress with wedding planning? And how'd you handle it?

Emily:

To me, I I'm gonna defend you for a moment. He he was dealing with so much emotional stress, Sir Hampson's family issues. He was dealing with all of that, taking on the brunt of it. Do I'm I'm open, I'm not afraid to admit therapy is like a necessity. You're going to therapy and you were you were growing as a person. You were you were doing things to work on yourself and your relationships with your family. And so I was fine with you doing that while I was doing the well wedding planning. Because at the end of the day, a wedding's a wedding, right? He's doing like the self-planning and the life planning. Yeah. And and a lot of what you did in your in your personal growth is what contributed to us having a happy wedding, right? So that it it you did in your own way help. The you know, the cupcakes and and whatever else, I can handle that stuff. That's again the superficial stuff I could do, the legal stuff I can do.

Bobby:

I did build the boards for the outdoor games.

Emily:

Yeah. Yeah. For the actual wedding, he did he did do a lot of like physical labor.

Everyone:

And not on site, you were very much like, okay, you know, where, you know, what can I do? How can I help? Yeah. We were taking guidance and direction, which I've been at a lot of weddings. A lot of grooms don't seek out to do anything. They're waiting to be told what to do. I think that's something also in men have Yeah. But they're waiting for me or a day of coordinator or DJ or someone of any sort of power to say, well, hey, why don't you go do that? Or oh, maybe you stand over here, or you how about you help? You are actively seeking out things of okay, so I think I need to be here.

Bobby:

So whatever gets me there first, the fastest, I'll help in any way again.

Emily:

And I think it came down to that equality bit too, is it wasn't just what I wanted. Like, it wasn't just I want the the quake boards there, you have to have them there. No, we both wanted the quake boards there and there, and so it was, you know, when I was off doing something else, Bobby could say, Hey, can you please move this here? Because he wanted it there too. He wanted the same things done that I wanted done. He knew exactly how we wanted things to be.

Bobby:

Oh, yeah.

Emily:

Anybody outside of this area, they're not gonna know what that is. No, yeah, we've got quits. And oh yeah, we never have quit. We were playing Quaits in the rain the next day, cleaning up because we had like, yeah, we we played Quaits with your dad in the rain the next day. It was great. Yeah, so was I stressed about planning? Yes, it was my own fault.

Everyone:

And you were probably more stressed with the second than the first, given the guest count, all the other elements that were going into play.

Emily:

Well, the first one's yeah, the first one, again, only eight guests, very low key. It was at a place that doesn't do weddings, right? So they didn't forget. They did it for me because I I don't know how I schmoozed my way in there. You probably said we've got like eight friends coming for like a dinner. Oh, well, it started with two. We I said, hey, we're just gonna elope. Then it was, hey, can we have four guests and an officiant? Yes. Can okay, it's gonna be eight guests, the bride and the groom, three dogs, and an officiant. And she was like, Okay, but we probably can't do any more than that. I'm like, that is fine. And I also had to be okay with they have a restaurant with a window overlooking the area. They have this like beautiful the the place is called the inn at Turkey Hill. Where you first told me that, I'm like, Yeah, is there like a days in attached to a turkey gas station?

Everyone:

Oh yeah. No, I was confused at first. I really had to Google it because then you're like, no, it's like it's up here. I'm like in blue. I'm like, I mean, there's turkey hills everywhere. How am I supposed to find the random turkey hill? And you were very clear, like, oh, it's like right off the exit. The way you described like how easy it was going to be for me to get there. You're like, it's like like a gas station, like a turkey hill.

Emily:

Yeah, gas station. No, it's it is so we I went there years ago because my family did a little weekend in Kennobles because it's so close to Chernobyl's. And I just remember the sheets. The sheets are the softest sheets. It's like $200 sheets on those beds. The gas station working in the gas station again. And I so I've always remembered it because of the sheets. And so, and I also remembered, of course, the beautiful Koi Pond and Gazebo and the restaurant that overlooks it. So, yeah, that they were they were not the first place I contacted. I mean, again, originally we were like in Massachusetts, New Jersey. I had listed, I had to create a whole separate email just for inquiries about because I had to find somewhere that would allow dogs to be in the room and on site. I was trying to find something, yeah, uh, like the dogs, you know, we need to eat, but you can't bring a dog into a hotel event center. Like you just can't do that. And had it not been so dark, I think, at that point, or so I think it got cold at later in the night, the dogs could have eaten with us outside. So yeah, but we we had a dog setter was great. But they were very open to everything. They they were amazing, but they did want to make sure like, is it okay that our guests eating in the restaurant are watching your wedding? I'm like, whatever. Like I just had no cares because I think my mind said, yeah, it was like, well, this is just us getting married. We're gonna have the big wedding later. That's when it matters. And it actually ended up with me not being so worried about things working out that they did work out. And you kicked yourself there, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. I didn't have any of the stress that I had, like I would say, like normal wedding stress. Like I just didn't have it because everything was set ahead of time, aside from the car snafu, it everything was great. Yeah, that was super simple. And then May came around and completely took over our lives. There you still like your organized timeline. Loved it. I did. I like your generation part two. Yeah, I would send it out, and it's like a mass email. So it had it had all of the wedding party, it had all of my vendors on it.

Bobby:

You had these fantastic itinerary pamphlets for everybody. Oh that never made it out of the house.

Emily:

The the programs, the programs had everybody's name and their title and all the song titles and why the top songs were important to us. And I forgot to bring them, and it also had instructions for at the end of the ceremony to please take a picture with us going into the the coffee hour. You had to announce it because I forgot $300 worth of pamphlets. I designed them, the everything are are, and this just gives you a hint of the detail I put into it. That again was it's not me bragging about the detail, but it's me saying I did too much. I custom made our invitations, our all of our stationery, everything for the wedding on Canva. Bobby did all the wax seals himself for the for the envelopes. Like I did everything on Canva and I did not use a template. I said, this is kind of what I wanted to look like, and then I made it, and everything from there I had to like copy paste it. And so everything was A, expensive because Canva, and and B extremely detail-oriented, which is me to a T. Yeah, so forgetting those programs was oh it haunts me.

Bobby:

Tranquil listening. Keep it as simple as you can, yeah, in all regards.

Emily:

Yeah, see if your venue can can do a program for you. That's a thing that happens. Or please or programs not taken. Yeah. Program, you know, maybe don't have such explicit instructions for your guests after the ceremony, so that they can just maybe follow some signs or something and not in retrospect. Yeah.

Everyone:

Again, people uh from my fundraising world, people need to hear something seven times, whether it's a thank you or an ask for a reason, a purpose, they need to hear it seven times. So if you had a sign that was like, we want to see you in a picture, like come meet us. You have me say it at the start, you have me say at the end, you had a photographer as well, who's literally standing right there barricading, like, and next, click and next, yeah, and don't go any further. Like I was there stopping people, like, don't go there so much. And it's like they're gonna need many times to hear it. It's the same thing with rehearsals. If I say it once at rehearsal, I have to say it about five times at rehearsal. But then the day if I only say it twice, people need to hear things a lot, a lot more. Yeah. I think for all the stress you had, you need a little more wine there. I'm I'm for it, yeah. Awesome. So I know with your first the wedding, the elopement, you know, it was a very down to earth, very calm, very chilly. You had beautiful tartan. I loved it. You had so much beautiful theme, personality all into your second wedding. So I'm wondering what was kind of your process on deciding kind of which wedding we get which focus, how far to go down the fandom rabbit hole? Because I struggled myself. I don't want to go straight to down the rabbit hole. So, what was your process for kind of bringing all that together?

Bobby:

So you you decided the first one was a fall of beam, so it had so it was in the fall. Exactly. So it hadn't well it had it was almost like a harvest theme immediately.

Emily:

Well, yeah, it we had we had very basic fall decorations. I made them myself.

Bobby:

Couldn't do too much because of Yeah, yeah.

Everyone:

So had a lot all right there. Like yeah, because even though you didn't have to build an arch or anything, yeah, you know, the quick pond, you didn't have to bring in your own fish.

Emily:

Right quite a bit nicely, all on your own. For that one, the the ambiance of the hotel was its own decoration. We we really did not like I put out a couple hay bales with pumpkins. I'm not I put those out. You did put those out.

Everyone:

We you all I think there's a diagrams. There's a theme in these episodes here of we gotta make sure we give Bobby all the credit because he sat here going, I didn't do and now he's picking up like he did that, but I did that.

Emily:

It was in the itinerary with pictures that we did remember for the first one that we did, yeah. In the itinerary with pictures, how he was to set it up because you know, decor design is not his thing. You did wonderfully, you did amazing when I because I didn't get to see it until I got back from hair and makeup, and that was I think you were already there at that point, Amanda. And I was like, Yes, yes, I'm just gonna look at it, and and it is what it is. And I looked at it and I was so pleasantly surprised. You did amazing.

Bobby:

I can follow instructions, yeah.

Emily:

Sometimes yeah, you did great, and it was again so simple because we had to pull everything down, you know, right away. It was amazing.

Bobby:

As far as the second one goes.

Everyone:

That so the no PTSD, keep it calm, keep it calm.

Emily:

The idea of it was I I've always wanted a wedding that spoke to the history lover in me. I'm really into like period dramas. Pride and Prejudice is my favorite movie. I have a Pride and Prejudice tattoo. So I very much wanted like a vintage feel. Wasn't sure how vintage, you know, like what era. And we one of the movies, I don't like going to the movies, one of the movies we had seen together in theaters was the Downton Abbey movie. And so I was able to say, like, you know, that big garden party they were at? I like that. And he liked it too because there was the aspect of I wanted an outdoor wedding.

Everyone:

Yeah. And the the attire too. There's something, you know, the guys in that time, they might have been a little more dressed than nines, but the clothing was really nice, well built, well done. And my thought is if we're gonna pay a lot of money for like a suit or a text, you better be freaking keeping it. Versus again, some of the the elements that were from older time periods, you know, no, you're gonna get five, 10, 8, 20 wears out of it. We, my husband and his groomsman all wore like smoking jackets, like button-up sweaters as a gift. And it's like, wear it whenever you want. I'm good.

Emily:

Well, we I the groomsman attire was almost the first thing I picked out. I think I had that picked out before I picked out my wedding dress. I knew what I wanted the groomsman to wear, not the groom, not the bride. So it was like a peaky blinders kind of deal. And yeah, I knew what I wanted them to wear, and everything was from Amazon. Everything was like $25, $30, so that they didn't I I hate the idea of, oh, I want you to be my bridesmaid. Oh, but you have to spend $200 on a dress and $150 to go to the Bachelorette party. And no, I'm broke too. Yeah. So that I mean, the decision on like the decor and the theme is like, let's do that beautiful vintage wedding. For him, his happiest times growing up was going outside playing lawn games with his family, and like we can make that happen. We can make it part of it. That's great. And then finding ways to incorporate the fandoms into it so that it didn't look like one of those 2010s lightsaber drawn like Pinterest wedding.

Everyone:

And you want like Disney adults where it's like, yeah, but that's the problem. Or as they call, you know, the sprinklings versus the whole hog.

Emily:

Yeah. And it's there's no problem with people doing that. It's just not us. No. Yeah. So we had found ways to like elegantly center hint at things, yeah.

Everyone:

And if you I the hardest thing I have, and it's because I love a lot of things too, is that if you go whole hog on any one thing, you can't add in anything else because then it like you know, you can't have a Disney Star Wars wedding. Like right, yeah. Now by going whole hog. But if you take a few quotes or a bit of music and you do little Hayden Nicky decorations and something small, you can get so much more out of combining these things in in beautiful ways without someone going, wait, wait, wait, are we at like a peaky blinders down abbey wedding or are we at Walt Disney World? Like you were able to blend a lot of really great things together.

Bobby:

We had a lot of bits and pieces of everything coming together. We did.

Everyone:

Yeah.

Bobby:

Yeah, and many I was saying before how things go off the rails. We were planning to have an outdoor wedding. It started to rain, so the games were out, the art games were gone.

Emily:

Yeah, the yard games were gone.

Bobby:

It was cold, so people were complaining.

Emily:

So we had to move people coming up to us, they would take the picture and then go, I have to leave, it's really cold. And I'm like, uh uh, food? The breakfast bar was inside, man.

Everyone:

Yeah. No, people left as they were cold. A little soggy underground. I remember walking out through the soggy.

Bobby:

So within what, five, ten minutes of taking all the pictures, everybody got together, pick up tables, and carry them all inside.

Emily:

That was my bridezilla moment was when I had to sit there, we're taking pictures, and in the background, I can see the caterer taking everything from the indoor kitchen, wheeling it out. And the caterer is not a good friend of mine. We're not like besties, but somebody I know and respect, and I know his family, and I've worked with them. You know, and so I'm watching them haul ass. And then my two, you know, my maid and my matron of honor come up to me and they go, We have to move it inside. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me right now? I just watched everybody, you know, the whole bar, all the models were moved out.

Everyone:

Do the job that they're professionals at assigned to them. Don't think that they would have been the first people say, hey, we've seen XYZ ever happen before, it's not gonna work. Like normally you let your professionals dictate what's readable and reasonable versus just the other people who, again, maybe at one to two weddings a year. Let it be the people who are at 50 to 60 a year. Please.

Emily:

Well, it's the the kind of person I am, unfortunately, is like, I wish I could have just picked up my dress and helped them carry food out. Like, I it was hard for me to just watch other people. And the the bartenders were volunteers. The bartenders were not paid, they were volunteers. There, there was no staff. Like, I think you know, a lot of people get married at venues with staff. This was not, there's no staff. There's a parking you brought in. Yeah. So hearing that we had to move everything inside, I like I got very frazzled just for a moment, and then I went, okay, we do what we gotta do.

Bobby:

And all of our guests just my cousins were just picking up tables, carrying a whole ensemble writing side.

Emily:

Picking up tables and chairs. I'm in my wedding dress carrying things out.

Bobby:

Like unfortunately, that threw the table assignments out the window.

Emily:

It did. Yeah, everybody just sat wherever they wanted.

Bobby:

It was a 10 table.

Emily:

How did you just even made a seating chart? I shouldn't have even done it. All I know you helped my mom with those tags and the teacups. We should not have even done it. It should have been take your teacup, sit wherever the hell you want.

Everyone:

It was so funny because uh your mom had asked at one point, like, Oh, do I have to take them all out? You're like, Yes, we have to take them all out and they all have to be attached. They have to she's like, Okay.

Emily:

Yeah, no, my mom was my mom, she had offered to help so many times, knowing that I would not ask her to. So then when she did that one time, I'm like, I'm taking you up on it, you're gonna be sorry. And she was.

Everyone:

Did you have any must-haves on your list, you know? And you know, were you able to get them and were they worth it in the end? Robbie, your line?

Bobby:

I don't know. I guess I do have a line.

Emily:

You do, you picked that yourself. All by yourself? I uh no, I asked him these questions last or two nights ago, and I'm like, you have to have like some semblance of an answer. And this is the one that he answered, like, boom, didn't even think about it.

Bobby:

So we did not want a wedding cake.

unknown:

Right?

Emily:

Waste of money.

Bobby:

It's they're always too expensive, they're never as good as you want them to be. And I'm not saving a top wedding topper for a year to eat on my anniversary. Gross, not in our freezer. No, not having that. So instead, we came up with different options, which was a buttload of pies.

Emily:

Yeah, we had oh, we had fruit pies. Your cousin's husband made them. He and his mom do pies at a farm stand.

Bobby:

Oh, they're all fresh. Oh my gosh, that's great. There was one other thing. The cannoli. The cannoli.

Emily:

Lots of cannoli because you gotta represent.

Bobby:

And then at the bakery by us, they have these chocolate-dipped cupcakes, and they are delicious. And everybody was talking about how good those were. Yeah. Which I wish more people would have eaten them because I brought about a hundred of them home, and I did not need to eat all of them.

Emily:

But somehow you did.

Bobby:

Is the thing.

Emily:

Like somehow the millions of cannolis that came home with me and the millions of cupcakes, they did disappear before they went bad. Right. So we've both eaten a little weight since then, honey, and that's okay.

Everyone:

Oh but like uh well, I think the people that do like cake or assume there has to be cake at weddings, having cupcakes is a great, like, well, here's our like, here's our spin on it, here's our cake on it. Uh, which is, you know, hey, take it or leave it. Well, I like them.

Emily:

I don't like that the wedding cake often sits out that like people breathe on it and take pictures with it. He almost knocked one over at a wedding we went to. He was pushed, but he almost knocked one. Like there was just too much risk and grossness involved in it. And again, no shame to anybody else that does that. It just wasn't my vibe. Wasn't my thing. So you find all the right. We had the individual things and people loved it. People still talk about the we we went to makeup Easter on Sunday, and my aunt was still talking about the cupcakes. So that was, yeah, that was your your must-have. Your yeah.

Bobby:

I don't know. You really hadn't did you?

Emily:

Oh, I did. Oh, oh she did. Moi. I had the music. Okay. The music was so pivotal. I which is why it was listed in the program of exactly which song and exactly which song.

Bobby:

That was the tone.

Emily:

It also listed the music for the whole day because it it went by, I don't want to say by decade because that was that's too broad. The music before the ceremony was all classical music, my picks 100%. During the ceremony were just songs that were meaningful to us, not necessarily wedding songs. I don't think our first dance song was really, it was never my love by the association. Big hit in the 60s, like uh the association, yeah.

Bobby:

It wasn't born in the 60s.

Emily:

Yeah, basically the people that were there that were born in the 60s or lived through the 60s were like, oh, I remember this song, and everybody else was lost. It's so fitting for him. Yeah, it it it was perfect. And funny enough, I, you know, I'm corny, and I texted him the lyrics because they're like, you know, you wonder if there's gonna be a time that I don't I don't desire you or I don't have time for you. Never, my love. And I texted him that and he goes, What song is that? That's really nice. I'm like the one we danced to at our wedding. He goes, Oh, I can see why you picked it.

Bobby:

And I was sober.

Everyone:

It's okay. My dad now prefer calls chasing cars that song. Like, no, not the wang song, just that song, because that's what we want. I walked the wild to him when is that song. Okay. Doesn't correlate to a wang, he just goes, Oh, it's that song.

Emily:

It's that song. Yeah, yeah. That's fair. Yeah, so everything was you know, we went like coffee hours, like the 40s, then you know, during food, it was the 50s, it moved through. We did not have anything that came out after 1989. People hated it, people hated me. They went up. My DJ was not a DJ, he is a friend, he is a sound guy. And I said, Hey, can you play music at our wedding? I made all the playlists in my itinerary, it was you play this one for this, this one for that. I had we both picked most of the songs, but I handpicked every single song on every single playlist for everything. There was not gonna be a cha-cha slide at my wedding. I was damned if I was gonna have like pit bull come on. It no, that's not the vibe. So we had people coming up to us because they would go up to the DJ and say, Hey, can I get this song? And he's like, Nope, gotta take it up with the bride. And they would come up to me and I go, I picked this music myself. It's me. This is what we're listening to. And we don't dance.

Bobby:

I don't remember anybody else dancing besides your brother.

Emily:

We did dance later, but we don't really dance. Like we go to other weddings and we just sit there, which is like I have an eternal sit there and watch other people partner. That's great. So that was me. Really? Oh, he doesn't like to dance. He doesn't like to go anywhere, period. That's fair though. It's it opposites attract, but sometimes it is nice to have that like go up in person. Yeah, yeah. So we like we don't dance, so dancing was not even on the menu. Right. So you more so wanted what you wanted to listen to. Yeah, like what we what we wanted to listen to, what we you know, the background of our day. People were upset about that, and I said, please write all formal complaints and send them to me. And it was trapped in over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just yeah, throw them over there. Yeah, that was my that was my must-have, aside from the date.

Everyone:

What was the hardest decision? I am gonna keep you to one. So low it down. What was the hardest decision you had to make during the planning process? And again, it could be from picking the date, and the date was really important. Like the venue, the bridal party. We don't know how bridal parties can be. We're gonna start with Bobby off the gun. Bobby, what would you say was the hardest decision?

Bobby:

I'd say the guest list. It was it was difficult to figure out who you would who was gonna show you knew was gonna show up versus who you invited over courtesy.

Everyone:

Who you wanted to show up. Who you wanted there, yeah, versus who it might be a little more of a hassle if they were there. And especially when you guys did the the eight persons well, you know, you were incredibly intentional uh well, two, okay, four, okay. And so like to start so small and then to have your next wedding be like, okay, we can and will be going bigger, but like how much bigger do we go? And would they come? And do I really want them to come?

Bobby:

And people were upset over not being at the first one versus the second.

unknown:

Yeah.

Bobby:

And we've actually even had somebody who at my sister's wedding month or two ago now, they showed up with a card for my sister and her husband now. And they came in with a card for us because they were not on the guest list at our wedding.

Emily:

And we didn't even think to invite like I don't know her. She came up to me and she said, I understand why you didn't invite me, you don't know me. I'd like to get to know you. And that for me is like for all the people that did have a problem, that for me is like so kind.

Bobby:

It just wasn't even on my mind. I haven't talked to them in 10 years.

Everyone:

You know? I had I had a whole matrix for figuring out, you know, who to invite it. It's like if you were in their wedding in the last five years, if you were invited in the last two, whether you could make it or not, if you talked to the like a whole thing to get down the guest list. And there's been so many people since the wedding, or even, you know, gosh, two, three months lead up to the wedding, that's like, oh, and I just found you and I just reconnected. But I don't want to be like, I hate being put in that position of like, oh my gosh, I just saw you like last week. It was so great to catch up on come to my wedding in a month. Like, yeah, that's why I did that. So like I I didn't want to do that for people who didn't. And then at the same time, you know, just having we had to call my my husband's aunt the other day. We got an invite to a wedding, two names we didn't know. The pictures, like them like black and white, the backside on with like came into their faces. So of course I'm like, I'm running through because sometimes couples will send me like, oh, just say you've got all the details in one place. Like, here's an invite. Like, yeah. And so I don't think so. I would remember the hand stamp. Don't worry. I got I got two sets of thank you cards and two sets of reviews. So we're we're solid. Okay, okay. We're solid. Yeah, left with the programs, it's fine. So I'm like running through, like, okay, these aren't couples of mine. It's addressed to me and my husband. I'm like, very few of my couples know I got married. Like, they they aren't gonna invite him and me, especially if I'm like, this is so weird. So I'm like, honey, what do you know? He's like, I know nothing. We like Facebook stock. Turns out it's like a second cousin to my husband, and there was some family drama. She's of a generation that wasn't first line impact by the drama, and she just wants to make amends. Yeah, yeah, go back to the case. And so she's like, Yeah, we invite this family. And again, she said to her mom, like, yes, we invite great aunt so-and-so. And then her mom's of the generation that says, Well, if you invite great aunt so-and-so, you have to invite their kids and their spouses. Yeah, I think probably trying to make it a little harder. And she was like, Fine, invite them. Probably the same mindset of, well, they don't really know me. They probably won't come. But this is me mending an olive. This is me doing some things I probably will end up going because I know my my husband's grandmother really wants to go, she wants to be part of this, this mended generation. Um, and she doesn't drive, and I don't mind wedding, so hey, I'll probably be at it, but again, very similarly like to get and invite and be like, oh my, who are you? Yeah.

Bobby:

My dad is one of seven, and my mom was one of five.

Emily:

Five, yeah.

Bobby:

So if I invited all of my aunts and uncles, all of my cousins, so we would have had a wedding in the 500s.

Everyone:

Yeah, my uh my friend's husband is Amish, and so she she's a very small family. It's just her, her sister, her parents, like her aunts and uncles are like family friends. Yeah, very small. She's like, Yeah, like I've got like 25, 30 people, like for my side and my bridal party, period. And he's like, Yeah, well, I'll match that. And she goes, Well, I left room. Yours can be a lot bigger. He goes, No, we all know how big our families are. She's going to you outside of my siblings for all of my aunts and uncles and everything. We issue two invites to the family and let the family decide who goes. That's our neighborhood. Maybe it's the aunt and uncle who goes, or maybe it's the two male cousins that are closest in age that grew up with him, or maybe it's, you know, whoever's next in line to take the family wedding. He's like, but yeah, he's like, my mom is one of 10, my dad is one of 12. Right. So we just issue two invites to each of the households, and we let them decide how they want to work it out.

Emily:

Yeah. Well, we had a discussion about it. When the when the topic of marriage first ever came up in our relationship, we were maybe together like two years. And I said to him, I'm like, man, a wedding, even just for our immediate family, if we're talking aunts, uncles, parents, siblings, and first cousins only, it would have been a hundred people. So we ended up inviting 300 people, and we ended up having 160. So it was a good turnout. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Because we invited a lot of people we knew like wouldn't be able to fly in. And there were a few that we invited. Yeah. There were a few that we invited that we really thought would come and then they, you know, they didn't. And it was like, oh no, we really wanted you there, you know, for one reason or another. But yeah, we we knew we were looking at about 150 likely, 200 at max, but we knew the full 300 was not gonna happen.

Everyone:

I talked to, she said, you know, it's so different when like you make the list and you see the name on paper, and even when you get the RSVP back and you see, like, oh yes, they're coming. To physically look out in the audience and to see that person there, it's not just a listed name at a seating chart. It's not just uh, oh, another RSVP back, it's then. And she's like, and that was overwhelming. She's like, I could tell you I had like 120 people. She's like, but to look out, that's 120 people. Yeah.

Emily:

Well, and I know there were people at our wedding that you didn't know. There's not a single person there that I had not met. There's not a single person there that I did not know. You didn't know some of my family friends, but everybody else, it was like people that we have interacted with within the last year. Because it's all family. And we did have some of those family riffs that we're like, no, you know what? That stops at that generation. We're inviting them, we're we're having them because if you treat me like family, then you're family. If you treat me like dirt, well, that's a different story.

Everyone:

I've found a lot of couples that I mean, typically if it's a younger couple and the family hasn't had a lot of loss, you know, grandparents are all still around, then you kind of don't get just how important weddings are or how important it is to see people at the fun things. Right. It's when you've got like an older couple or older families and they've been to far more funerals than they have weddings. In case you guys were wondering, that's another bottle of wine. We're gonna keep going here. When they've been to far more funerals than they have weddings, then they're kind of more like, yeah, let's not make the next time that we see each other to chat be over someone's casket. Like yeah, weddings and funerals, right? Let's try to be happier if we're gonna reconnect and retalk. So, Emily, what was the one woman you'd have won? I know. What was the one thing that was the hardest decision you had to make? Bridesmaids' dresses could not decide on colors, themes, but you knew you wanted them inexpensive, easily accessible, size inclusive to anyone.

Emily:

Yeah, eventually, and the hardest part was figuring out what was gonna go with the groomswear because I knew what I knew what I wanted them to wear right off the bat. Finally, I was like, you know what? Wear white. I told them to wear white lace. That was my only specification. It had to be white or off-white, it had to be lace. Everybody, oh, I got people telling me that was the only time people really told me how to plan my wedding was you cannot have my bridesmaids, were uncomfortable with it. My family was uncomfortable with it. I'm like, people, you have not seen my dress. My dress had a green underlay and it was stark white. So I did stand out. That was the whole thing, well, you're not gonna stand out against the bridesmaids. I did stand out. I looked great. I was the only person with color. It it worked out, it was very cohesive. It looked great. So yeah, I have white bridesmaids' dresses.

Everyone:

See if I can find a picture and post it online. And the other thing, too, that you had really, really uniquely was under the gazebo that you had, it wasn't just uh enough space for the three of us and your bridal party on the outside. Yeah, your bridal party was all on the inside and it was a very surrounded by love kind of.

Emily:

I rebuilt that. We actually did. We rebuilt so my ex-boyfriend, who is my like best friend now, he was in our wedding party. We both had exes in our bridal party. Offline, you'll have to who and yeah, I'll tell you who. I'll see if I'll pick up on anything and probably not. His ex-girlfriend was my senior bridesmaid, and my ex-boyfriend was one of his firmsmen, but his father built that gazebo for his own wedding 30 years ago. And why didn't we put that in the damn script? I know. And yeah, he built it for his own wedding 30 years ago, and he was also in attendance. Yeah. And when my ex and I were together, we were like, oh God, we're gonna be stuck getting married in this gazebo. I was adamant, I never wanted to get married there. We got married there. But yeah, it was in such disrepair because everything there is volunteer run. So if you don't have somebody going in and replacing the wood and repainting it, it falls apart. And they do have weddings there, but not enough. Not enough. And I think a lot of people come through and they see things in disrepair and they go, Well, I don't, you know, I don't really want to do it here. I mean, if you're desperate enough, you know, budget-wise, you might say yes. But we we went, we re we replaced the wood, we repainted it, we pressure washed it, we we made sure it was like and we left our decorations up so they could book more weddings in there afterwards. Beautiful. Yeah, it was it was a lot of time and love. And uh, I think it shows. Like I think it shows in the pictures, yeah.

Everyone:

There's some great ones.

Emily:

Yeah, it was it was the ceremony was the most perfect thing, and I think that's because of you too.

Everyone:

Well, let's just lead into that, shall we? So I know, or at least I believe I know how you found me, but why don't we tell the folks at home how you found me and again and all the options of the world that you could have had, what led you to decide to pick me?

Bobby:

You left my part blank.

Everyone:

I did not. No, she did not.

Bobby:

Oh. Because I had no idea what the answer.

Everyone:

No more drinks for you, Bobby.

Emily:

He didn't know because I found you.

Everyone:

I I he found me through two different places. Yeah. So much like we were talking about like, oh, I would match with one guy on one site and then match with the I was so confused when you messaged me on one site for one guy.

Emily:

And then we had you on the knot at first, because the knot was I had to keep it separate for both weddings. So the knot was for October, and then the wedding wire was in May. So I actually lied. You said wedding wire. We found you on the knot. We found a bunch of people on the knot. We interviewed candidates. We thought it was the final bit. You were, yeah. You were not. There were like three or four or five. I don't know. We talked to a lot of people, we did a lot of Zoom interviews, and I got to the point where I'm like, I'm not gonna find somebody. Because I I needed someone that would deal with my crazy. I needed someone that had a similar vision and understood my vision. That would do a two-parter and breaking the bank. Oh, people thought we were crazy. It wasn't even breaking the bank. I knew that it would be more expensive, but people are like, you want to do what? We had one woman because shocker, because we did a lot of that. A lot of those, right? Like, it's not out of the realm of you would present an idea.

Bobby:

It's the same one. Same, yeah, I thought so.

Emily:

She was very abrasive, and she was the person I talked to right before you. I think that helped your case a little. She she did not think it was necessary to do two weddings. Like, she was trying to tell us how to plan our weddings. Perfect. We I can do it. We were talking to her about the self-uniting, right? And she was like, Well, if you're not a Quaker, you can't do that. Like, she and it she just was pushing back so much. And then I was like, Well, I guess we'll interview another officiant, and it was you. And I was like, Oh my god, this person is like I was like, like this one. I was like, This is I know I don't like enough people that when I find someone I like, I know I like them. I don't really know why, but I know, and I was like, I like her, we're working with her, I'm excited about it. And I told you, I knew we were gonna work with you before we even ended that call. And I didn't keep having hanging. And you didn't even have like a second date yet.

Everyone:

You're just like, yeah, the other one we're we're interviewing places, we're figuring things out. So, like, can we book you like in advance for a potential second wedding?

Emily:

Like, yeah, I don't know how I quote potential, but sure, yeah, why not? No, not before, like we got off the call and I was like, Oh, yeah, we're hiring her, but I'm gonna wait a couple days to tell her that.

Everyone:

Like, she doesn't want me to show you a quote where she's like, Yeah, because if not, it starts to feel like some of the the sketchy spammers on like yeah, I will send the money tomorrow. Tell me your bank account. You know, yeah.

Emily:

No, I told him, I said I don't care. I don't care process. I I literally said I don't care how much she charges us, we're paying it.

Bobby:

At least you didn't ignore it.

Emily:

This is one thing I won't budge on.

Everyone:

Oh, I have some dude. Oh, I have some that go a month. In fact, I just want for an elopement who hate, you know, was gonna come to my house and get married in like January. And the only reason she was coming to my house was because of the travel to get down to her and the winter weather fee. Because you know bad. I I it's not $25. You want me to leave my house in the winter?

unknown:

Yep.

Everyone:

And so she was gonna come to me and she paid the money. Hey, what day? Hey, what time? Hey, are you still coming today? No, you got the flu. Okay, cool. Let's push back week. Hey, your license is about to expire. Oh, you never actually got uh finalized and picked up your license. Okay, so now nothing's actually going to expire. Oh, you're waiting for his ring to come in and then you'll get your license. Okay, cool, cool. So his ring's in and you got your license. Cool. Start the clock, you got 60 days to get married. Once every two weeks, I text her. Hey, it's Amanda, the officiant, that you booked and paid for. You're still coming up to me to get married. Tell me a date and time. And that's not a normal nine to five right now. So I'm like, Yeah, tell me what works for you. I can literally do anything. I had to chase her down. I married her like three days before the license expired.

Emily:

Meanwhile, like every time you emailed me, I'm like, I have an email from Amanda. I was so excited.

Everyone:

I was like, My list, this is speak my language.

Emily:

Pain in the ass, though. My language. Um such a pain in the ass look of it. I but I appreciated that you either understood or pretended to understand my lists and you you dealt with that.

Everyone:

Honestly, I'd rather, I'd rather have more answers than less. Yeah. And because when a couple has things figured out on their end, I can better clarify what my role is. Yeah. So there's a lot of times where I walk into weddings and they're like, help me, I'm poor. Like, I know nothing to do. I don't know how I do. Do I want to say my own vows? Yeah. Where do I stand? What do I do? What song do I walk down to? When do I start walking? How do I do? And I'm like, cool. I can take on this role of, you know, I don't call it traditional, but like I use all of my past weddings. I call it typical. Like, hey, off of all these weddings, here's what's happened. So I'll I'll give like the typical, okay, here's what others have done, here's what I would recommend. Let me help you, let me guide you. But I love knowing that I'm going to walk into a wedding where so many things are already taken care of, planned, finalized, where I show up and be like, I can be, hey, I'm here to now carry the load off of you. Give me your license. You got your vows, you got your vows. Good. I'm gonna stand like this, just reminding you so you're not taken aback, and we're good to go. Okay. And then, you know, there's couples that are somewhere in between where I walk in thinking, oh, they're probably clueless, and the some bride grew back thumb. I won't call it bridezilla. I'm not saying that, but they grew up enough to go. I'm doing that, and I go, Okay. And then five minutes later, they're like, doesn't really work well, does it? I'm like, Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. But uh, yeah, I'm glad that uh somebody uh somebody else uh paid the trail. That's how we picked our our wedding venue was I loved a different venue. The venue coordinator absolutely is right on the place. And I didn't walk in saying, like, I'm in the wedding business, but I walked in going, oh, I've I've been a part of a lot of weddings. I I really do already know what I want. So I'm like, we're not doing first look. Well, surely you might. I'm like, no, surely I'm not. Yeah. She she's like, oh, and you'll use this door here for the sparkler send off. I'm like, we're not doing that. She's like, no, no, think of the pictures, they look so pretty. I'm like, I'm actually not paying my photographer to be there all night long because I don't want pictures of people drunk at the reception. So I'm not like, oh, so I get it. Someone who's infuriating, it really does level out things for the other candidates.

Bobby:

Our photographer didn't that get a good photographer.

Emily:

Yeah, get a good photographer. Our photographer, so we didn't want to do a first look. We wanted to do pictures of us getting ready together. I did not want anyone in the room except the two of us. I wanted him to zip up my dress. I want to, I wanted that very intimate, those intimate photos. And she was like, Well, no, surely you want your your bridesmaid to come help you. And I'm like, no, I want my I want my partner to. And my bridesmaid did end up end up coming in and helping me. And then she convinced us to do a first look, which was okay. I wasn't super about it, but it did add a little bit of element and surprise to it because there was no moment of me walking down the aisle to meet him. We walked down the aisle together. Really, our dog walked us down the aisle.

Bobby:

No, but 90% of my pictures, I blinked.

Emily:

All of your pictures, you either had a bug on your forehead or you blinked. And I after I booked her and paid her, I saw like some of the images were shaky. The October pictures came out great. The May ones, not so much. But yeah, that you see baby.

Everyone:

Maybe that's also a vote for why did you know two weddings is use your first one as a trial burn? Because I'm pretty sure if I had bombed the first one, we had it set up as a painting plant process where you would have only lost. No, you wouldn't have even lost out. You could have canceled the contract and said, Yeah, no, actually worry, Mary Kay, thank you so much. We don't need you for the second. Because I made sure I had the first one covered by the time of the first one and the remainder covered for the second. Yeah. I wasn't losing out anything, but if you were like, Oh, hard pack. Yeah, we yeah, you could have easily said, Hey, thank you, bye. Like, hey, not say you gotta do two weddings, but if you're thinking about doing two, one of the upsides is you can use it as a trial run for some of the vendors. Don't sign in on the double contract, yeah. Just for one, then see if they'll do a referral or a returning client or something. Yeah. Just to make sure you know they'll get what you want.

Emily:

And you have a photo album in in I think I heard in Korea they do this. They actually take their wedding photos before their wedding. They get dressed and do the photos all dressed up so that they have a wedding album ready. We had a well wedding album at our wedding for everyone to see. And it takes a lot of the pressure off too of the pictures because, like, well, I think.

Everyone:

Thank you cards too, because you want to get them out super quick after a wedding. A lot of times you want to use a wedding picture. Who needs to know what's the second wedding picture? Yeah. So, Bobby, as you did most of the planning, who helped you most in the planning process?

Bobby:

Emily.

Everyone:

That's the correct answer. So I'll kick it then, Emily. Who do you think was the best support and how'd that support make a difference for you in the wedding plan process?

Emily:

I hate to pick out one person, but it's very easy to. My matron of honor, Crystal. First off, she was the first person I told that we were getting married. Because again, we we needed our two witnesses. I reached out to her. I said, Hey, would you and your husband be our witnesses? Immediate yes. She was so happy for us. No questions asked. I'm not her very kick-ass, man. She's amazing. May she was in her first trimester. And she had really bad morning sickness. So she was dealing with me being a pain in the ass and also like throwing up on the side, right? Tiny humans. She, oh my goodness. And oh, she had her baby and he's so cute. And I'm maybe gonna steal him for a little while. I don't know. He's just cute. But yeah, she she did more than I expected her to. And and that goes for the whole wedding party. Her husband really did a lot for us. Like, even the night before they had to with all the uh setup and the decreasions and all the October wedding, they drove me to go get my hair and makeup done because we forgot our second car. Like they he's just the type of person. I don't know, he was in the army, so like I don't know if it has to do with that, but he's like, tell me where you need me, tell me what you need me to do. Also, he's my Hobby Lobby shopping buddy, so he understands design. Yeah, he I trust him with that more so than I do my own husband, actually. Yeah, he's my you can't see if the Bobby looks hurt and offended. Oh, poor baby.

Bobby:

Let me get the giant metal chicken. That's a story for another time.

Emily:

Yeah, they as a couple, and they let us borrow their dogs for for October. We had a bridesmaid dog and a groomsman dog, and they were both their dogs, and she let me dress them up and do things with them. It's great. So, yeah, they really pulled through. They're amazing friends. Amazing.

Everyone:

So we have kind of wrapped in talking a lot about the planning process, which is awesome. And gosh knows that as I'm sure everyone's realizing, these episodes be getting a little longer and longer, but the interviews are certainly worth it. It's really great to get to reconnect on my end with the couples. So tune in a little later in the week, or if I don't edit as quickly, next week for the next episode of the wedding where we are going to be talking with Emily and Bobby all about the wedding days. That's right, plural. Don't forget, they're a two for two for episode for a two for marriage for an awesome, awesome couple.

Amanda:

Thank you for listening to The Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on BuzzRout and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment, and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at OfficiatingBy Amanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook, WeddingWire, and then to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to the WeddingWare Podcast at gmail.com. And if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmail.com. Thank you so much for tuning in, and until next time, this has been Amanda.

Head Shot

Amanda Walck Ottinger

Host

Podcasts we love

Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.

History Tea Time Artwork

History Tea Time

Lindsay Holiday
Queens Podcast Artwork

Queens Podcast

Queens Podcast
Office Ladies Artwork

Office Ladies

Audacy & Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey
The Rewatchables Artwork

The Rewatchables

The Ringer
This is History: A Dynasty to Die For Artwork

This is History: A Dynasty to Die For

Sony Music Entertainment
Drama Queens Artwork

Drama Queens

iHeartPodcasts