They Tied the Knot

Ever wonder why we still say “tie the knot” and what it actually means? We pull the thread from ancient handfasting to today’s ceremonies and show how a simple cord can turn your vows into something tangible, visual, and deeply personal. From Celtic villages and seafaring towns to pagan blessings and churchyards, this ritual has traveled centuries because it adapts to the couple in front of it.

I share how to place handfasting at the perfect moment in your ceremony to steady nerves and add focus, why an infinity knot photographs beautifully, and how the final pull symbolizes the effort it takes to make a marriage hold. We get specific about materials—satin cords, tartan, lace, braided ribbons, even rustic rope—and what to consider so the knot is secure, comfortable, and meaningful. Then we dig into color symbolism: red for passion and courage, blue for trust and calm, green for growth and renewal, gold for abundance and endurance, purple for creativity and depth, white and silver for clarity and new beginnings. Naming each color turns the ritual into a story your guests can instantly feel.

You’ll also hear ways to involve family and friends: parents placing cords with a short blessing, kids picking colors, or guests adding supportive knots below the couple’s knot. We talk through themed twists, like anchoring a braid around a keepsake ring, and what to do with your cords afterward so they become a daily reminder rather than a forgotten prop. The takeaway is simple: love isn’t an accident; it’s a choice you make and remake, together, every time you pull on that knot.

If this sparked ideas for your ceremony, follow along, subscribe, and share with someone planning their wedding. Got photos or questions about your own handfasting? Send them my way—I’d love to feature your knot and your story in a future episode.

Chapters

• 0:04 Welcome And Episode Focus
• 0:41 What Handfasting Really Means
• 3:43 Timing And Ceremony Flow
• 4:58 How The Knot Works
• 7:28 Celtic Roots And Seafaring Lore
• 11:38 Pagan, Wiccan, And Christian Threads
• 15:21 Why Couples Choose Handfasting
• 17:21 Materials, Fabrics, And Practical Tips
• 21:01 Color Symbolism And Storytelling
• 24:18 Involving Family And Guests

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Welcome to the Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. The Wedding Where they tied the knot. Welcome back to the Wedding Wear podcast where I share some stories of weddings that I've officiated, the funny, the shocking, the sweet, and some of the lessons learned along the way, maybe some topics to consider for your own special day. And today we're going to talk about hand fasting. So super fun tradition and ways that we can kind of make it unique within a wedding and tie it into exactly what you want it to be. Haha, get it? I said tie it. Well, so you've probably heard the phrase hundreds of times. They're tying the knot. But did you know that that actually comes from a marriage tradition called hand fasting, which is the literal act of tying a knot? So the hand fasting unity ritual dates back centuries, and it actually used to be recognized as a legal form of marriage. You could be hand fasted, and that would count just as much as if you went to the courthouse and got married by the Justice of the Peace, or if you did a self-uniting marriage, or any of the other types of marriages and unities we've talked about on this podcast before. Hand fasting is one of my favorite unity ceremonies to include in a wedding. And this, I've I've done it a lot now, but my first couple I did it for, I was a little like, oh, we're doing what now? And then I became more and more familiar. And now it is one that is full encompassing on my end. I have a chords guy. I will pick the, you know, you tell me what colors you want, I'll buy them, I'll bring all the supplies. I just, I absolutely love doing it. And in fact, did it in my own wedding. A lot of times I recommend people, let's let's keep it simple and not do like a bajillion chords because my husband and I did six, and that was that was a hefty knot. That was, we were definitely knotted together. So hand fasting is beautiful, it's deeply symbolic, and it's really, really flexible in what you want it to mean or what we can have it illustrate. And like with any unity ceremony that I have in the midst of a wedding or marriage, I call it recess. It is really just an activity. Yes, it's providing a visual representation of your love and of your unity, of your bond. But really, it's giving you something to do so that you aren't just staring at each other, saying I do, and placing rings for half an hour. This is normally a really nice piece to put in somewhere at like the 15 to 20-ish minute mark. If your whole ceremony is only 20 minutes, you put it in closer to like the 12 to 15. It's good to happen just a little more than halfway through and give you the couple something to do that's action-y. So let's dive into the timelessness that is hand fasting, some of the ways that it's come into modern era from ancient roots, how couples are really reimagining it today. So at the heart, hand fasting is a symbolic act of unity. The couple's hands, often their right hands, because your left hand has your ring on it and you don't want to risk that getting all caught up in the knot, are placed together. And then using a cord, ribbon, strip of fabric, rope, your hands are then bound together. When I do this with couples, I sometimes have those that just they clasp hands. I have others who want it a little more robust. Maybe we have a Harry Potter tie-in that we're going for as well, and they clasp up at the forearms to for that like unbreakable bond, unbreakable vow type relationship. But no matter what, it's the right hands. And the hand fasting is very brief. It is five minutes less or less. And it is just, as I said, a really fun activity to go in. And you, as the couple, get the experience. You know, there's a some fun words I say. I'll go over that. But at the end, you're pulling on that knot. So kind of showing no matter how much effort has gone in from others or from society or from the legalness of a marriage, me, the officiant placing the cord, the core issuing you the license. At the end of the day, in order to make the marriage work, it does take the two of you pulling either end of this cord to make it bond. I have typical words that I read when I do it, but there's other times that it's a blessing or a poem, something very sweetly done. Sometimes there's no words needed at all. The act of just pulling upon the chords really makes all the difference. There are a couple different knots. You can leave with it. I normally go with an infinity knot. So I do the preliminary, like slide it around the back, do a little pre-tuck so that when you pull, you're getting a nice unity infinity knot. And the more chords that we have, the richer it is, both in terms of the color as well as how thick that knot is and what you can really see of it. And it's a beautiful metaphor of the separate lives, the intricacies that were coming into play, and then getting bound together, but still, once again, making out who the individual people are. I'm very big that when you say I do, you don't become a homogenous unit. You are husband and wife or spouses. And you are, it's not the olden days. You're not Mrs. Nicholas Otinger. No, I'm Amanda. He's Nicholas. Together we're the Ongers, but we are two distinct people with dreams and goals and hopes and strengths and weaknesses and all of these elements. So I think that hand fasting is very, very beautiful in being able to capture that as well. There's the pulling, there's the give, there's the take, there's the interweaving of lives. But at the end of the day, it was two, three, four separate chords, distinct colors all coming into play. So, in order to really appreciate hand fasting, we got to understand where it comes from. And I normally do give this history in all of my marriage ceremonies. I joke and say, this is how I'm using my history degree. Sorry, Professor Ronning, this is how I'm using it. So there's a couple different connections that come in with hand fasting, but the biggest of which is Celtic in nature. So in ancient Ireland and Scotland, before there were the documents for legal marriage, especially among the common folk, there were no give your daughter to us as a treaty type thing. And there often weren't really church ceremonies. Hand fasting was the way for a couple to declare their union publicly. And it served as a binding contract. Depending on the different Celtic community and the era that we're in, hand fasting did start out as a kind of a trial run, if you would. They would be hand fasted for a set length of time. Whether that was five years, a year and a day, just kind of meant to assess it out, but it was still a binding contract of unity. After that point, you could make it legal. At that point, you'd have to actually track down like an alderman to really make it legal, legal. But in rural and very seafaring communities, this was more of the binding, forever, lifelong marriage that we think of it of. And when I do weddings, I say, back in the day, you couldn't always find your efficient on the wedding wire or Zillow, not Zillow. Oh, what am I saying? On Zola, the knot or wedding wire or Facebook. But you had that deep desire of needing and wanting to get married and to start your life with somebody before the harvest came in or before you had to go back to sea. So you'd gather around your family and friends and your local townsfolk. And by declaring your intent to love each other and having your hands bound together and tying this knot, you were married. You would then take the cord with the knot in it ever present back to your home. You put it above your hearth on a mantle, you put it above your doorframe. And when finally a tax man would come along to the more remote regions and say, Who lives here? You could point to that and say, Oh, my husband and I do. We were hand fasted two years back. And the tax man would say, Oh, hand fasted two years. That's great. Double the taxes. When I say that in weddings, I normally get a laugh, but it's just a nice explaining or understanding for those who are hearing this pretty much for the first time. As I said before, it was very common for rural or seafaring communities. And a lot of it is in the seafaring tradition. I mean, we know sailors know their knots and their ropes and their ties. Their ships were being held together against wild winds and tides by these ropes. They know how important a knot is. So a couple tying their hands together with rope or cord, especially if it came right from the ship, it wasn't just a promise. It was also incredibly symbolic to the strong bond that they had to weather any storm. And at that time, sometimes even the rope that was used, I mean, it had to go right back to the ship and be purpose for the ship. But then that's an amazing bond and physical reminder on the ship for the sailing husband of, oh, that was, you know, each of these ropes, that was the rope I ham-fasted my wife with. And I've got her waiting for me. And just really nice, very powerful imagery as well. There is also a Pegan connection. So it's a sacred act within Pegan and Wiccan traditions because it's a balance of the elements present. You really get more of a rope that is of the earth and of the nature. There's some different preparations that can go into it to make sure that you've you've burned the edges with fire and proven that the whole cord won't burn. You've dipped it in water, you've you let it dry in the air. So to really bring in all of those pieces and then use it to intertwine two souls, especially in an outdoor and nature setting, really does solidify that you were united, not under the church roof or under God, but by your desire, by your hearts, by yourselves, and by all that surrounds us in nature. When Christianity came about, hand fasting still persisted as this custom. And it then grew in the years before engagement rings. So it started off as very like, oh, let's try this out. Then it went to the thing that got you married. And then it went back to a pre-step towards a more formal wedding. And you would be handfasted, and it wasn't uncommon for a priest to come along later and bless a couple or finally fill out the documents, sanctify the union that had already been in existence and been hand fasted for years. So maybe in my historical telling, I should say, well, the tax man came along followed by the priest. But those are just some of the backgrounds of where we get modern day hand fasting from. And the couples I work with, they choose to use it for a lot of different reasons. I had a recent one who their parents, both sets of parents actually were handfasted. One was because they are believers in pagan and Wiccan traditions, and the other set of parents are of Celtic descent. So the fact that both sets of parents had been hamfasted, the couple knew, yeah, we we want this too. And you've got others who just are like, well, we need an activity, and Amanda likes to do it and recommended it. And I normally say it's a really fun way to tie in family, friends, kids, extra special people within your ceremony. It is super adaptable. It can be done sacredly and secular or romantic and symbolic, formal, or fun, especially if you've got kids and the kids get to pick colors of the chords. I had three little boys once and they loved the idea that they were getting to tie up their mom and dad. Just super cute. And I will say it photographs really, really beautifully. The more chords, the merrier, but not too many because that's a lot. But it's really just a nice tie-in together. And tying in, you could pick the wedding colors, or you could pick the colors that really mean something to you. So, in that round and vein, let's let's dive into that of talking about the materials because what you choose to tie and maybe the colors or the materials are just as meaningful. And I am the queen of wording this in, and I love talking all about what this is. So traditionally, hand fasting cords were of like woven cloth or natural fibers, wool or linen, things that were made and accessible to the early communities. But today's day and age, I use a company that makes graduation cords with the little tassels on the end because they're satiny. So if you ever work with me with hand fasting, that's what I bring to the table. Everyone's welcome to use whatever they'd like, though. I've seen couples have braids, braided ribbons that they've either gotten custom made or they had some leftover from pieces of the wedding planning, from dresses, from invites, and they have it pre-braided the ribbon pretty long. And then that's what they're tying. I've had couples, especially if they marry on a farm or have a very rural country kind of background, use rope. I will say that that is hard to pull. And it, if you pull too tight and you catch someone's hand in it, it could definitely leave a mark. So just always keeping, keeping that in mind. Strips of tartan fabric, especially if you're tying in Celtic and Scottish heritage, super cool. Again, you want to think about what it's being paired with and how that knot might lay. I've seen some pretty cool hand fasting ceremonies where you don't focus as much on the knot that the couple pulls as much as the knots that are added down below. I'll have to see if I can find some pictures and post them up on TikTok or something to really explain what I'm talking about. I've had a few brides that use lace from either their dress or their mom's dress or their grandmother's dress. And so that looks really, really nice, especially when it's partnered with the right type of other material. And each piece then carries the meaning. And it's not just with the material or the fabric, but depending on what the color of it is, you can really do a lot of symbolism. It's not just rope. Where's the rope from? What does it symbolize? What does it mean? It's not just a bit of lace. Who'd you get it from? If you go with the cords I have in stock, I don't just ever say, oh, and they picked out this cord of blue. I'm gonna go a step further and I'm going to talk about the color of the cord and what it what it really means. So, for example, red symbolizes passion, strength, courage. It might have just been your husband's favorite color, but I make it mean so much more. Gold symbolizes prosperity, abundance, endurance. Green is for growth, harmony, renewal, and prosperity. Blue is trust, loyalty, calm, serenity. Purple is spirituality, creativity, depth. It's got a good regalness to it. White and silver could be purity, clarity, new beginnings. So when couples do choose their colors, I work to think about what I know of them and how these colors fit them and fit within their relationship as well as bring these wonderful pieces in. And I do, I'll name each chord out loud. We've got the red chord symbolizing passion and strength, the gold symbolizing prosperity and endurance, and the blue for trust and loyalty and what wonderful qualities that they're bringing into the marriage with these three chords. And suddenly it's it's a story. It's not just a, oh, we pulled on a rope. There's there's meaning into it in ways that you can really make it impactful. Like I said before, you can use this not just as a way to unite yourselves, but to also bring in those family connections, whether that is through the materials that you pick or having family members pick those chords, or even having family members come up and place those chords. I did a really wonderful wedding, and it's actually an interview I have coming up with Emily and Bobby. And they had five chords. They were my record for the longest time. But they had five key individuals within their life that they wanted to acknowledge. So they had them each pick out a color of cord, and each one came up during the hand fasting. And as I was describing the color, they came, they took kind of my spot in the triangle, if you will. They placed the chord, they got to give a well-wish to the couple. And it's just such a nice moment. I talk a lot about we do it all for the pictures. Those were definitely moments we were doing for the pictures. They were great. And depending on the material that you pick, how many chords, what sort of knot we want, we can play a lot more in it. The most traditional way is to use your own hands to tie the knot. But if it's a smaller wedding or function, maybe you keep your hands knotted. And we've done that initial knot that is symbolic of the knot that you are tying by your union. And everyone else comes in below and adds a knot because they're all here building up upon that knot, supporting you and really being a balance for you in this marriage. And I'll have to cover it pretty deeply. I just did a wedding that was heavily themed around Knoble's amusement perk, because that's where the couple met. But there's a bronze ring that you can get on the carousel at Kenobles, and the couple really wanted to tie that in. And they also wanted hand fasting. And they're like, how do we kind of do this? So we actually worked out like braiding the cords, the colors together with the ring as like the hitch post, the, you know, kind of that starting off space and braiding down. And then once there was a braided cord, using that for their ham fasting. So that was really cool. And this doesn't just wrap up at the end of the ceremony, much like olden days. Take it home, put it on your hearth, let people comment on it, let people ask about it. You can put it in a shadow box, you can put it with all the rest of your wedding mementos. And I love it. I I can't wait to do a lot, lot more of them. I think one of the things I love best is that because your hands are held together or you're higher up on the form, you're you're feeling the other person. You can feel their feel their pulse. You know if they're sweaty or nervous. And then you add in the physical activity. You are getting married, and yes, it's a legal thing, but you're tying the knot. And we've been saying that since day one back in the 1200s. The truth is love doesn't happen by accident. It is an act of will. And you've got to put some strength and some force behind it. And that's exactly what you do with hand fasting. You chose to be married, you chose to be hand fasted. No one could make you pull on the other end of that rope, no matter how hard they tried. You did it. You tied the knot. So I hope that if you're planning a wedding or helping as a bridesmaid or S man or something, and someone's planning theirs and they're they're stuck, they want to do just something a little bit more, but nothing too crazy. Send this to them, let them consider hand fasting. It's an ancient tradition that we're bringing into a modern space, and it's reminding everyone that marriage just isn't a document. It's a choice, it's a bond, and like I call it, it's recess. It's a fun visual representation in the midst of a wedding. And you can use it just for the two of you. Keep it as simple as you want, or you can invite family and friends. You can use tartan, lace, ribbons, the cords I buy from, honors, graduation site. Shout out to you. But in that moment, you'll really remember it every time you hear someone say, tie the knot. You did that. So thank you for joining me today on this episode of The Wedding, where I'm excited that next week, maybe two weeks, I am wrapping up the last of my fall wedding chaos. So I can finally get to editing some of the bigger. And by bigger, I mean I probably talked with Emily and Bobby, the Collinses, for the better part of three, three and a half hours back in May for their actual anniversary. And I feel bad that it's just now coming out. But we're gonna have that coming your way very, very shortly. I'd love to know if you did a ham fasting ceremony in your wedding. How did you learn about it? Why did you want to do it? What kind of cord or ribbon or rope did you choose? And was there meaning behind it? Feel free to send me a picture of your beautiful cords. Send me pictures on Facebook or reach out online. I just, I want to start bringing more, more interaction together. I'd love to know who's out there listening. Feel free to like me, follow me, send me anything. I'd be happy to shout you out as well. And yeah, I've got all the links of where you can reach me. I'm gonna start branching out in 2026 to doing some wedding stories, maybe that aren't my own. Not that I don't have a lot, but I like to give a little bit of time between when an interesting wedding story happened and when I record it, so that there can be some space of time to really process all that took place. So let me know if there's something you'd like to hear me react to. And until next time, this has been Amanda. Thank you for listening to The Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on BuzzSprout and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment, and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at OfficiatingBy Amanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook, WeddingWire, and the Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to the WeddingWare Podcast at gmail.com. And if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmail.com. Thank you so much for tuning in. And until next time, this has been Amanda.