The Mother of the Bride was Drunk

Amanda shares a memorable wedding story where the mother of the bride was significantly intoxicated during the ceremony, offering thoughtful reflections on how alcohol impacts wedding celebrations.

• The mother of the bride had consumed too much champagne during morning preparations
• She treated the wedding ceremony like a call-and-response church service, vocally responding to the officiant
• The groom responded to the situation with remarkable grace, telling his embarrassed bride "She's our family"
• Alcohol is deeply embedded in American celebration culture, particularly at weddings
• Different drinking patterns often emerge between bridesmaids (mimosas, white claws) and groomsmen (shots, beer)
• Legal concerns arise when wedding participants are too intoxicated - couples cannot legally consent to marriage while drunk
• Practical tips for managing alcohol at weddings include limiting quantities, choosing pre-portioned drinks, and assessing your guest list
• Amanda suggests June might become "the month of we listen and we don't judge" for the podcast

If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com, and if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda@gmail.com.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to The Wedding Wear
• 1:07 Mother of the Bride Incident
• 6:03 Alcohol's Role in Wedding Culture
• 9:28 Groom's Compassionate Response
• 10:10 Advice on Managing Wedding Day Alcohol
• 16:30 Closing Thoughts and Next Episode

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Wedding Ware. With officiating by Amanda the Wedding Ware, the mother of the bride was drunk. Welcome back everybody to the Wedding Wear. After I put out the last episode, which was the Wedding Wear, the groom had a black eye and we really followed with a lot of we listen and we don't judge. I got to thinking about some of my other weddings where the same could be said, times where I had to put myself to the side because it is not my place to judge, and really let the couple figure out how this was going to impact them, if it was going to impact them, and some honestly bright light that came through with it all. So let me dive on in for you. I did a wedding a few years ago really great couple. I'd gotten them through a friend of a friend reference, so kind of knew some of the same people, but I didn't really know them, I didn't really know their family, and when I showed up at the venue it was interesting to say the least. So I'm normally used to when I show up I go first to see the bride. Often that's the person who I've been in contact with the most and who's booked me and when I go in. There's the champagne bottles or some mimosas left out or some white claws.

Speaker 1: 1:49

Drinks are present in weddings. They don't have to be. There's no rule that says that you have to drink. In fact, if you get too drunk I can't marry you. You are not legally able to consent to marriage. But I digress.

Speaker 1: 2:07

Alcohol has, in our culture, become so much a part of celebrations. There's toasts and cheers, there's champagne on New Year's, there's 21st birthdays where you can go to bars and mix drinks. Alcohol is tied into a lot of celebratory events and weddings are no different than that. And bridal parties, the bridesmaids versus the groomsmen. They have different types of drinks that they'll drink and different quantities. I will say so typically when I show up, the bridesmaids have, you know, a couple champagne bottles empty, half full. They've got their mimosas made up. There's a few white claws or some lighter mixed drinks nothing crazy. And typically when I go down to visit the boys, in whatever room or space they're in, there's flasks, little shot bottles, there's beer, lots of beer, lots of things of beer. I've even done some weddings where multiple coolers have been down in the groom's get-ready space versus like two bottles of wine up with the bridesmaids. So I always prepare myself that, okay, the best man or the groom you know might have had a little bit more to drink than one of the bridesmaids, and I prepare my brain for those sorts of interactions. I might have to repeat myself more often, I might have to simplify my requests or be ready to put up with some drunken individuals.

Speaker 1: 3:46

I don't ever really allot for people outside of the bridal party to be intoxicated, at least not going into the ceremony Like guests. You were getting ready in the morning, you were driving in, you were doing kind of everything you were supposed to. You shouldn't potentially be a few bottles in. But I do say this remembering the first wedding I was invited to after college Very, very dear friend of mine and I. We pre-gamed the wedding. It was after a six-hour drive and a whole hotel room kerfuffle the night before with little to no sleep. But looking back, as I just said, I don't normally see people drunk for the ceremony. I'm acknowledging there was at least one wedding I attended where, yeah, I don't practice what I preach.

Speaker 1: 4:43

Anyhow, this wedding I walked in. Okay, bride might have a few questions. I might need to touch base on a few things. All seemed well, go down to the groom and the groomsmen. They're all good, they're shooting the breeze, they're having a great time.

Speaker 1: 5:01

And then I bumped into the mother of the bride and she had been getting ready with the girls all morning. Her hair was done, her makeup's done, beautiful outfit. After I kind of brushed into her, she was complaining a little bit about her shoes. And again, this isn't a woman, I know, I haven't really met her before, but you could tell something was a little different, a little off, and it's totally understandable for her to have a drink or two the morning of her daughter's wedding, certainly in celebration, while everyone's getting ready, certainly while nerves are happening. Nerves are happening. Keep your hands busy, keep your mouth busy, keep yourself kind of focused. No-transcript put a significant dent into one of the champagne bottles, so much so that she had to have additional assistance being escorted down the aisle. And there I was watching it and like, oh okay, two plus two equals four. I get it now. Awesome. And of course Mother of the Bride seated in the front row and we went on with the wedding and by and large it was a very beautiful wedding. The sky was clear up until almost the very end. The wind picked up a little bit at the end. So it was great for, like the veil, for the veil of the bride to flow, but then no rain until we were all back inside.

Speaker 1: 6:42

But I was definitely a little distracted by the mother of the bride and her level of intoxication as I was going through the ceremony. She thought that she was in a probably a Baptist church, like a big Southern Baptist church, where if the pastor or preacher says something it is very common to announce your approval. Yeah, okay, amen, you know. Yep, she did that throughout the ceremony.

Speaker 1: 7:19

I haven't often done passage I'll have to cover it on episode but I read out marriage is the little things. It's never being too old to hold hands, it's remembering to say I love you, it's putting each other first and finding the best in each other, even if you can't find good in yourself. Just some really great words of wisdom. And for pretty much every other one, as soon as I ended the sentence, the mother of the bride went. It is you, betcha, you know very loud. I've had family members especially in the front row because I can see them very clearly who nod, or you know I can tell that they have agreed with what I was saying. This was the first time I ever had some feedback and he chuckled. The first time, third, fourth, fifth time. I'm like okay.

Speaker 1: 8:14

And each time that she said something, the bride just got redder and redder. I wish that the handheld microphone I had was not picking up the little things that the couple was saying to each other, but I wish that it really had, because the groom did something so fantastic in this situation on this day, because it so easily could have been oh my gosh, it's our wedding day and we spent all this money and your mother's drunk and instead he just held her hands and there was a portion in the vows about your families are now together and are now blended. And I think he really took that to heart. A few moments later, when we're hearing from the peanut gallery, his now mother-in-law, the bride's like I'm so sorry, and he just held her arms and said she's our family and I loved that, not putting any well, you did it or she's your mother, just such a genuine hey, it's okay, we got this. Yep, she's both of ours.

Speaker 1: 9:24

Oh man, I wish I wasn't one trying to get through the rest of the ceremony, two, distracted and wondering what I was going to hear next from the mother of the bride that I could have like stopped the presses and had that published because it was really great. That's the right way to have handled that situation. But in the time since, I've gotten to thinking how to not even get in those situations, and so again, this is my take it or leave it advice for anybody planning a wedding in a wedding, thinking one day maybe a wedding, or even if you reflect back on your own wedding, I'd love to hear would this have worked for whatever situations you might have had going. So, like we said, alcohol is very enriched in the celebratory aspects of America, of a lot of countries, and I don't know how to stop that or even if I would want to stop that. I'm a girl who likes a mixed drink and a wine and a few wines, but it is really to not be drunk, for nobody to be drunk, ahead of and going into the ceremony, for many different reasons. One is if they're walking anywhere, they trip, they fall, they you know more safety precautions than not. The other is what you say.

Speaker 1: 11:02

Your actions are off and on a day that has so much focus, had so much finances spent, it's really not what you want to be doing marry you, I'll get up there and I will do a ceremony, but I cannot take your I do as being a commitment that you entered into soberly. I can't sign the license. We will reschedule that, the paperwork portion of it. But yeah, yikes, you can't do that. You have to come of your own free will and volition and soberly declare your intent to marry. Now I don't care breathalyzer with me, but after many years being in a sorority, spending a fair amount of time in a fraternity basement, and three and a half years being in charge of fraternity and sorority life at a college being in charge of fraternity and sorority life at a college I'm pretty good at knowing the difference between.

Speaker 1: 12:07

I had a celebratory drink as I got ready this morning, but I am here and ready to commit myself to the love of my life and I will not mispronounce their name or stumble or slur over my words or butcher anything versus. I am drunk and I cannot string a coherent sentence together and things are really needing to get repeated. It's also in my purview that if, two seconds before we walked down the aisle, I watched you chug a beer yeah, I was there, I saw it. Maybe we don't do it like this. So how do you control alcohol?

Speaker 1: 12:51

One of my things would be definitely take stock of the vibe that you want for the day. If you're really okay with everyone being loose, relaxed, you know, chill, calm, and from your group of friends, from your family, your bridal party, everything you believe that that is how they can function when they've had a few drinks in them, okay, that is totally your call. You know them better than I do. But in assessing, if you start to think, well, you know few of these people. For personal reasons, religious reasons, medical reasons, don't drink. So I mean we don't even have to think about including them in for alcohol.

Speaker 1: 13:35

And this other group of people, I mean they might have a drink or they should maybe only have a drink. Maybe you limit the quantity. Maybe, instead of bringing cases and cases of beer maybe it's a case Instead of doing 25-year-old aged whiskey, maybe you stick with like a cheaper whiskey and mix it with some some coke or rum not rum mix it with a soda and just kind of keep it level. Plus, if you do something that is a hard liquor but you're not doing shots with it, you would do more of a mixed drink. Your other participant in the celebratory drink can control how much alcohol they do or don't want.

Speaker 1: 14:26

So that has its pros and it also has its cons, because in the case of this story, the mother of the bride had access to all the same mimosa supplies as everyone else. She just was a little heavier handed with her pours and no one was watching. I mean, she wouldn't have to be watched. She's the mother of the bride, she's not like a 14-year-old junior bridesmaid that you think, oh, did you get into the alcohol? Or even just going with like a pre-made drink, pre-portioned allotment, what's there? Is there when it's gone? It's gone Like a Trulies or an Angry Orchard, a hard cider or something like that, where the alcohol content is already figured out. And if you only got a case of it, hey, two per person, okay, we're done, just some little things and maybe you go. Yeah, that's an awful lot of stress and prep over something that will probably never happen. Hey, if you know your group, that is awesome. I wholeheartedly hope that you totally shelved this advice and you don't give it a day's thought, because I wouldn't have.

Speaker 1: 15:33

But then I did this wedding and watched the bright red cheeks of the bride, listened to the mother of the bride shout back from within the aisle. And thankfully it was only that, because I in my head, from that moment on, had a million more ways it could have gone really wrong. I know of weddings that have had fights at the receptions. The amount of alcohol people have had have gotten people into some real big trouble, myself included. I've been no saint with drinking or with weddings. So all of that to say it's something to take into consideration and know that, as a couple, whatever decision you make is valid, whether you say hey, we're not drinking, whether you say hey, only this.

Speaker 1: 16:29

I had to do it with my own wedding. I don't do tequila. One of my bridesmaids is obsessed with tequila. That is all that she drinks. She showed up with many bottles of when we got ready, of tequila, and I was like I will partake, but somebody get me something else. Somebody get me a vodka, cranberry, somebody get me something else. I don't want to miss this moment of cheersing and being celebratory, but here's my line I will not do this or that.

Speaker 1: 17:00

What are your thoughts If you've already gotten married? Was there somebody a little too many drinks in? Please tell me it wasn't before the ceremony. Tell me. They saved it to the reception and they had themselves a rocking good time there. What would you do if you were? I don't know if you rose back from this mother of the bride who thought it was a call and response program.

Speaker 1: 17:26

I'm really interested to hear what everybody thinks on this episode. And remember we listen and we don't judge. We think about how it could impact our world and if there are any adjustments, it means that we would make for our future weddings or our future participation in weddings, weddings or our future participation in weddings. But we listen and we don't judge. And I'm going to see. I kind of like this theming for these stories, so I'm going to see, maybe if I can come up with another few. Maybe June is the month of we listen and we don't judge, but until next time. This has been Amanda.

Speaker 1: 18:10

Thank you for listening to the Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on Buzzsprout and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit linktree at officiatingbyamanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook WeddingWire and the Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to theweddingwearpodcast at gmailcom, and if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom. Thank you so much for tuning in and until next time. This has been Amanda.