Bonus Episode - Wisdom from 11 Years of Officiating: From International Reach to Industry Scams

We celebrate 11 years in the officiating business by sharing milestones in our podcast journey and revealing the scams targeting wedding vendors. This bonus episode combines gratitude for our growing international audience with practical warnings about common industry fraud schemes that nearly ended our career.

• Our podcast has reached 622 listens across 22 episodes with international listeners from the Netherlands, Estonia, Australia, Lebanon, Brazil, Germany, Turkey, and Italy
• Preparing for an upcoming wedding marathon of six ceremonies in 36 hours
• Warning signs of wedding vendor scams include rushed timelines, no consultation calls, and payment amounts that exceed quotes
• Detailed account of a check fraud scam where we were asked to deposit an oversized check and forward money to other "vendors"
• Tips for wedding professionals to protect themselves from fraud through contracts and verification processes
• Advice for couples on researching vendors thoroughly and recognizing suspicious behavior

If you have questions you'd like answered on the podcast, send an email to theweddingwherepodcast@gmail.com, and if you need officiating services, reach out to officiatingbyamanda@gmail.com.

Chapters

• 0:00 Celebrating 11 Years as an Officiant
• 5:22 International Podcast Audience Growth Journey
• 9:38 Wedding Marathon: Six Weddings in 36 Hours
• 17:11 Spotting Wedding Industry Scams
• 23:41 Check Fraud Scam Experience
• 29:23 Protecting Your Wedding Business

Transcript

Amanda: 0:10

Welcome to the Wedding Wear with officiating by Amanda. Welcome back to the wedding, where this is going to be a bonus episode to celebrate 11 years of me in this role and in this realm, being an officiant. I'm really excited to kind of jump in on this. I'm laughing because I'm doing this on the fly. It's a Tuesday night and this will go out, oh gosh, friday or maybe even Monday morning With the move that my husband and I have coming up.

Amanda: 0:57

My schedule has been absolutely crazy. And then we add in the weddings, and then we add in the weddings, and then we add in just kind of everything else. So I know I've got to put out a few more episodes and, knowing that I just had my anniversary recently, I really wanted to capitalize on that, put out some additional information and tidbits. I know I've got a poll going on the Facebook right now for a future bonus episode. I think I might save that for when I hit 1,000 listens. The episode I just put out this week. I had done some really great shout outs for international listens and I talked about the wedding where the groom had a black eye and how that really didn't make me feel good and safe and I questioned a lot of how I judge, if I should judge, if it's my place to judge. So for this bonus episode here, I'm going to give you an update on how International Listens have been going since I recorded that episode last month and to talk about another situation or circumstance that doesn't make me feel good. It actually really angers me, and that is scams scammers within the wedding and officiating industry, and I'll share my experience with a scam when I was, oh gosh, probably my second or third year officiating weddings. It was just such a hassle I almost I almost stopped. It was really annoying, and how I've gotten to notice the signs for them, how I deal with them and how I still I still get them and I navigate through it. So let me first by diving in.

Amanda: 2:51

When I recorded that episode, I was not even at 500 lifetime listens yet and as of the recording of this, which again is mere days before it goes out, I am at 622 listens across 22 episodes. So I'm really excited to hit the 25 episode milestone. I'm excited to hit 750 listens. I think I'll do something kind of big for a thousand maybe that maybe I'll add in video. I'll get myself a map and start placing all the little dots of where everyone's been listening from. I think that that would be a fun undertaking certainly an undertaking that I can do if my husband and I are still in between the the house hunting market and realm that we are currently in, because I can make it mobile and take it with me, and I've really been trying to do a little more of my content on TikTok and social media. So I think it might be time to add in some video and see where we go from there. See if you guys like staring at my face while I talk to you about weddings. I don't think I've got the face for this, though. I think I should probably just stick with podcasting.

Amanda: 4:17

But in the last episode that just went out, I was highlighting some of my international listens and at that time I have like four different countries that had listened and each one had had a listen or two. Nothing, ground shaking, earth breaking. Since I recorded that a month ago oh, my goodness, I don't know what friends I made. I would love it if you would step into the light, identify yourself, tell me who you are, send me an email, a text, a tweet and anything, and let me know if you are listening from one of these international places that I'm going to shout out. I am just absolutely floored. In the last month I had 15 listens from the Netherlands. Let me pull up the exact city here. That would be Limburg, in Egelsjonhoven. I'm sure I absolutely butchered that, but it's looking like it was probably one person and they just started working their way through my catalog. Absolutely astonished, I woke up one day and it was like, oh, like, three listens from the Netherlands and next thing you know just so many. So if that is you, please let's start being pen pals, let's friends. I'm obsessed with your royal family. I'm obsessed with all royal families, but I love the A team. Would love your opinion on that too. Please, oh please, let's be friends, let's be in touch.

Amanda: 5:57

And additionally, I have gotten listens from Estonia. Let me see if I can find the exact town there. Some of these and going back through my log, it's a little rough because they like pop up from older episodes. I have to go back through the master listing, so it looks like I've got two listens in from Talin T-A-L-L-I-N-N in Estonia. I did get to talk to a really wonderful fellow podcaster who is from Estonia, so I might make the assumption that this is her. But that's just. It's so cool. I cannot wait for this map.

Amanda: 6:38

I still have my one listen from Brisbane, australia. I am still at. One listen from Beirut, lebanon. One listen from Sao Paulo, brazil. I think I've got a former classmate that's in Brazil. I don't think that she's in Sao Paulo, though, another place I absolutely love to check out and visit.

Amanda: 7:01

I do have one listen from certainly a place I cannot pronounce. That's in North Rhine Westphalia, which is Germany. Really, please, if that is you, please tell me how I pronounce your actual town name, because there's an O was it the double dot above the O? The umlaut. There's an umlaut over the O, and I didn't take German, I took Spanish. I'm not even going to try.

Amanda: 7:29

I have one lesson from Istanbul, turkey, and just this past week I woke up one morning and there were two listens from Italy, and so I was like, oh my gosh, I've got someone in Italy who's joining, and maybe it'll be just like the Netherlands, and they're working their way through the catalog, and when I looked at it, I realized that it's actually two separate locations. I don't know how far they are from each other one is in Milan and one is in Caserta, so it may be two new new friends, but I'm so incredibly thankful I share in a text message with my mom and my husband, my mother-in-law, every time I get a new international listen and I put the flag and I let them try to guess their flags and guess the geography of it all. Guess their flags and guess the geography of it all. I'm excited for continued lessons and to expand the reach and again, like I said, a thousand. Maybe I'll do up a map project and I'll have to make it a little bit bigger than just the United States so that I can really put a dot where I know everybody is listening from and that will give me motivation to kind of keep going for the weeks when my life is crazy and I don't think I can do this.

Amanda: 8:53

We've got the Memorial Day weekend holiday where this episode will most likely go out and yes, it will be an episode later on. I am doing six weddings in 36 hours. It's a marathon, just like I swear I would never do ever again, but I can't say no. Three of them are kind of your typical traditional 100 guests, 200 guests, a reception, a rehearsal ceremony type deal and the other three are elopements. Either paperwork signing goes or about five minutes, no more than 10, very small, very simple.

Amanda: 9:33

So the other part of this episode that I want to do is talking about scams. As a business owner, I'm not immune to them. So not only do I get the telemarketer calls and not only do I get the email your invoice is overdue with a link that says it's from Google with like four O's, invoices overdue with a link that says it's from Google with like four O's I also get scammers related to the business and it sucks, it's annoying, it's frustrating because I don't like to say no and I know that people are in a lot of different circumstances and situations and much like we talked about in the last episode, where I really strive hard not to judge I try not to. You know the couple that wants to book quick and pay in advance and doesn't have a location yet, doesn't have a set date. You know those could all seem really scammy, but I also know that that's situations that couples I have had have been in.

Amanda: 10:47

I've had couples whose parents or friends or family members, godparents, have paid for the officiant services, have paid for the officiant services. So it's not uncommon to hear that somebody else is going to pay me money wherein that could be a red flag for, and should be a red flag for, a lot of individuals in this industry. I have couples who just given where they live or the work schedules of one or the other they really are not available for a consult call Again. I've put that now in as a protection for myself. But sometimes it doesn't happen and it doesn't mean that they're a scam. It could just be that they're a really busy couple and I've had weddings that I have been absolutely assured, from when I issued the quote, that they were a scam and I've put in the strong legal language that I was advised to use several years ago after this first scam happened, and they haven't wavered and that's normally a good sign on the litmus test, but not always.

Amanda: 12:02

So I definitely advise anybody running a business or you know, when you do your bookings, primarily online, put in the safeguards that make sense to you. I know it takes a little bit of time and extra effort and energy and I know it would just be so easy to say nope. You know this is the red flag and this is the line in the sand and I'm not going past it and I respect that and I get it. I just also know that for myself. I've drawn that line a time or two, gotten rid of that line a time or two and for the most part it's worked out. But I still get a little little triggered with certain things like wait, smell scammy.

Amanda: 12:50

So I was early on in my realm as an officiant. I probably had about 10, 10 to 15 weddings under my belt. I was just trying to really get more into. Let me have a Facebook page for the business. Let me see about having an email. Let me send out real quotes that are formatted in a nice kind of way. Let's make sure that I have consult calls. And no, I don't need to do every consult call in person because it might not make sense for budget and scheduling for me to drive to them or them drive to me or try to find a decent middle of the way place. I just I'd run out of Dunkin Donuts, especially since I don't do coffee. It it's it's a little rough to make that make sense of. Oh yeah, sure, I'll meet you there, because I don't normally hang out there.

Amanda: 13:45

I had a couple who emailed Specifically. It was a groom, which is kind of a red flag for me. Nine times out of ten it is not the groom that is in charge of booking the officiant. The grooms typically have not spent their entire life thinking about ceremony and I know that that might be a little sexist of an assumption to make, but that has been my experience that most times I'm in communication with the bride and then the groom joins in or comes along for the ride. Very rarely has it been the groom and in the times where it has been the groom there has been an increase in the shadiness and the potential scamminess.

Amanda: 14:35

So groom had reached out and was working to move very fast. They gave an address in Philadelphia, said it was a friend's house that they were going to be married in. They found me through my website. They wanted my highest package. You know, sight unseen, no consult needed. We already looked, we already did it and I thought that's awesome, like cool, I can save myself some time and they just want to book me for like $600. That's amazing, plus then the travel down to Philly. Like I was making all of these plans. They were not available for a consult call and they didn't need it, they said, because they already knew what they wanted.

Amanda: 15:22

I put together a quote and I put it together, you know, as needed, as expected for a rush wedding, because it was under a month between the time of outreach and the time of the ceremony. Time of outreach and the time of the ceremony, the travel down to Philly, the package that they wanted, all the inclusions. They wanted an hour-long ceremony, they wanted rehearsal. It started feeling very rushed. I think I had the day free so I was like, okay, cool, I can be on my email constantly, but I didn't like it.

Amanda: 15:58

Right away they were like, okay, well, we're going to send you a check. Please give us your phone number and your mailing address. And I kind of was like that information is out there publicly. You know, it is my phone numbers on the Facebook for the business and the Google for the business and mailing address was actually in the quote about you know what I needed to share with them should they be sending me their payment, because I do accept personal checks again. After these experiences in my time, I really should probably consider eliminating that as an option. But for the couples that really do have grandma providing this as a service for them, I don't want to eliminate that as an option. That's how grandma pays. Plus, it's cheaper than credit card processing fees or getting dinged with a percentage on PayPal, venmo or Cash App. So they asked phone number and email mailing address and I gave that to them and they then stated that they were sending a check, that they were going to overnight a check for the deposit. I was like, okay, cool, awesome. My deposit is $100. I was like, okay, cool, awesome, my deposit is a hundred dollars. That is great. Their entire bill was like eight hundred and fifty dollars. All I needed was a hundred for the deposit. The rest could be paid 10 days before the ceremony, and this was in the days before I had contracts. This is one of the reasons why I now have contracts to just spell out what the financial expectations are and the payment expectations and what I will and will not do with payments.

Amanda: 17:44

About two, three days later I get the check in the mail and it came as like overnight delivery from Atlanta. Weird, because the wedding's in Philly. I have an address for where the wedding is in Philly and I'm starting to put pieces together and I do. I do have a phone number for the groom and I have an email address and I open up the check and it is for like $1,500. Like $1,500, and I'm astonished. And came from Wells Fargo, like everything's looking a little interesting on it but looking very legitimate.

Amanda: 18:29

The only thing that was really getting to me was that the addresses were not lining up. The address of the wedding is in Philly, the address that mailed this was Atlanta. The address of the person issuing the check, who the groom claimed, was, oh, a gift from his boss. So where the boss's bank was was in Chicago, in Chicago. And then there was another fourth address, now related to this as well. And no, I had said to the groom that I would let him know when the check came in and deposit and all that jazz to keep him in the loop. So I emailed and said, hey, I got this in. However, it is not for the correct amount. Oh, my goodness, no, woe is me, replied back in the email.

Amanda: 19:26

My boss kindly offered to pay for your services and the DJ's services. Oh, he must have only cut one check. I am so sorry, my apologies. Kindly help me in this situation. I am out of the country now and I don't want to insult my boss by going back to him to ask him to recut a check. You deposit and you forward the remainder to the DJ to be his deposit. So you cash this. You know you can keep your entire balance the entire 850, but then the rest of it we need for you to forward to the DJ. That pissed me off. Nope, nope, nope. Smelled scammy, sounded scammy, acted scammy.

Amanda: 20:20

I had been like 16 and someone tried to hire me as a nanny and said I get paid, you know, $2,500 a week, but I had to also pay the others in the household and I thought it was so great and my parents were like no, you're not, you're not doing this. So this aspect of oh well, you cash the check and then you submit payment, it is a scam. It is one of the often used biggest sc that there could even be some extra money in it for them, especially if they're struggling and say yeah, sure, okay, that makes total sense not doing that. I know it might be really rough for you to go back to your boss. However, you're going to have to. I am insistent upon my own check. I will not be forwarding the balance. I mean, if you want, I'll cash the whole check and just keep it all for me but there would be additional fees should the check pounds.

Amanda: 21:39

I was bombarded with phone calls and text messages from the groom because, again, they did now have my phone number. You know, you're the only one who can help us. How dare you? We need this, we need you Around.

Amanda: 21:55

The same time I'd gotten on with WeddingWire because that's a site that I use, and I said I'm so confused, like, what do I do? What light do I have to stand on? And they said, yep, this is a common scam that happens through the website and they find you online too. They connect the dots over. They're not dumb, they're just criminals. And here's what we would recommend that you respond. You know, if you mention a sort of ramifications with legal, they often dispel. They know that you can't be played with and the more reviews that you have, the more real couples that you can showcase on your profile. It helps to build up the years that you've been in business and that you're savvy and that you're not going to fall for things like this, and they won't even often waste their time if you have an established business and profile. So I took that advice and I responded back. I'm like yeah, no, this is not going to work.

Amanda: 23:04

I spoke with my legal counsel, total Fib. I spoke with my legal counsel and they have advised me that this is a common scam and I need to protect myself in this matter. Here are your options. You can have me destroy this check. You can issue me one for my payment, my payment alone. I'll give you some leeway of days to do that and upon receipt of it, I will confirm and be available for your wedding. Option two I will destroy this check and we can call this the conclusion of our business and I will not be officiating your wedding and we will need you know you'll have to figure something else out. What I will not be doing under any circumstances is cashing this check as it sits right now and I will not be forwarding any further payments.

Amanda: 24:04

Again got a barrage of you don't understand. Why won't you help us? Really playing upon a lot of woe is me, sadness, sensitivities. In the meantime of that, I was googling some of the addresses and I found out that the Philadelphia address of the wedding is actually. In the meantime of that, I was Googling some of the addresses and I found out that the Philadelphia address of the wedding is actually in the middle of a body of water. It is like a dock. It is not real. I was just tracking down information. Nothing was panning out, nothing was making sense.

Amanda: 24:35

So I wrote void on the check in black Sharpie and took a picture of it. I ripped up the check and took a picture of that. I sent all of that to the groom and said legal says I can't like, don't be mad at me, I'm not the bad guy you know, as they didn't actually book me in through one of the sites, they weren't able to leave any sort of review, which is another thing I verified with the not wedding wire Cause I didn't want to have a bad review when I didn't even do the service. I fight it. I fight it to the death of me. And since then, yeah, probably once, twice a year, I get reached out.

Amanda: 25:12

Oh, we would love your services. We can't do a consult call. We want your highest package. We want all the add-ins, we want this. We cannot do a consult call. We want your highest package, we want all the add-ins, we want this. We cannot do a consult call. We will not be able to meet with you until before. Oh, don't, don't. No, no, premarital counseling and no, whatever script you think is best. They're very wanting you to decide. They talk a high game, they'll pay you a high price. Oh, we're flexible on the date. Oh, yes, we can move it to here. Oh, but we have a location. Things don't line up, they don't make sense. They sound really good but they fall like a house of cards very quickly with a single blow.

Amanda: 25:51

I actually kind of admire the scammers that want to stick on with me for a little bit because go ahead, think you're wasting my time? I'll turn right around and I'll waste yours. I love the TikTokers that do scam or scamming. The scammers Heroes, unsung heroes. They're doing the Lord's work there.

Amanda: 26:10

Recently I had another scam reach out and they actually I made them sign the contract. I put them with a quote at really high code. I think it was like again, $1,500. Nowadays, given the price increases and that they want this and they want that and I know how it plays, so go ahead, $1,500. And I spelled out in the quote that I only take certified checks, bank check, not personal checks. Again, for a normal couple I do, but when I suspect scammer, no, no, it must be a certified check. And that I spell out both in the quote email as well, as detailed in my contract that I make them sign before anything else, that I will only accept checks made out for me and solely for me, and any thing being paid above my fees is going to be considered as a gift for services. It will not be forwarded cash checks will, I'm sorry, bounce checks, will immediately void all services and a few other nice legal words that I've picked up along the way, and that normally stops them, but I do have one right now. That is still not. They're so insistent. Oh, my goodness, our uncle is is going to be sending too much. The check has already been mailed. We can't stop it from reaching you. They claim they're in Australia right now in business and that they don't need any help getting a US marriage license. They only need me for the ceremony. Yeah, okay, yep, yep, yep. So I can't wait to keep playing around with that one.

Amanda: 27:53

And you know, just stay savvy. Stay savvy in all aspects. Whether you are a couple and the vendor seems a little fishy. Do your research, ask for reviews? No, no, don't ask them for reviews. Go, search out reviews. Go on to any of the Facebook groups that are for brides or for vendors and make yourself anonymous if you have to and just ask do they want to use this person? What can you tell me about them? How was their communication? Were they professional? Were they on time? Did the amount that you paid for services match? Were there undisclosed fees later on? Do your homework, do your research. If things sound fishy or sketchy, any reputable business will appreciate that you are doing your due diligence versus just making assumptions.

Amanda: 28:54

If you are a vendor, small vendor, be careful of the scams, the couples that aren't real, or even the couples that are real and they book you and oh, we'll pay you later, we'll pay you later. You do services, you don't get paid, or you get paid with a check and then it bounces, bounces or what the couple asked of you is in the contract, but then they had day of requests that aren't written down anywhere and in the end, what they asked of you in the moment day of is what they ultimately are mad for pushing back on. You know I've seen a lot with photographers on both sides that couples have had a photographer not show up, or show up and not take the pictures, or take the pictures and not deliver the pictures, or not add the pictures, and vice versa. You know photographers that will show up and you know payment is still needed, but they take the pictures because you can't not have the pictures of the moment. It only happens once, but then there's still no payment.

Amanda: 30:05

The couple uses photos without watermark, without permission, kind of violating contract, or that there are shots that the couple asked to try out that are not in the aesthetic or normal provision of the photographer. I have my friend, jocelyn coming on in about a month or so for an episode about the wedding wear from a photography perspective and some stories that she's gotten from there. And again, aesthetic is one of the main things you pick with a photographer, but if their aesthetic isn't matching, you shouldn't go with them. You shouldn't be seeking them to adjust their aesthetic to fit you. Though, right, try out something new. Okay, we've all heard of it, but the unfortunate I won't call it scam the unfortunate situations at times is that a couple has such an image in their mind and they ask their photographer like, oh, and can we try this? Or oh, this would be so lovely to do and it's not in the photographer's normal aesthetic. And it gets done, and then that's the picture that a couple says, oh, my gosh and look at how horribly this came or this was what was wrong and kind of hurting the image when, from the get-go, that was not what that photographer was hired to do. You didn't hire them to play around with trying out other types of images. You should have booked them and paid them for the type of images that they already do and already have in their portfolio.

Amanda: 31:38

What are some other scams in the wedding industry that you know of or have been a part of? Is it venues that close? Is it vendors that are always sick or always putting off calling in their subs, asking for coverage, but yet you don't get kicked your fair share when you were the person who covered it? It frustrates me to no end and I think if I'd actually fallen for this scam, I probably would have hung it up. I probably would have stopped it. It's saddening, it's frustrating, it's annoying and my heart just breaks for the people who fall for it or are impacted by it. And this is just in business and in a wedding world. We all, as people, are getting hit with these constantly, and how do others not you know fall for them? How do people stay savvy on what's going on? Well, thank you so much. It's been a pleasure to celebrate 11 years and I'm excited for everything else that's going to come our way. I'm working to keep getting episodes out weekly. I might have some that we skip a week or so on. I might try to schedule myself with a break. What A break? No, never. But until I actually make that decision and do it, this is what I'll be doing. Thank you so much for listening, and here's to 11 years. And here's to the upcoming six weddings in 36 hours and here's to many, many more.

Amanda: 33:26

Thank you for listening to the Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on Buzzsprout and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the wedding wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at Officiating by Amanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook WeddingWire and the Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to theweddingwirepodcast at gmailcom and if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom. Thank you so much for tuning in and until next time. This has been Amanda.