Birthday Bonus: 15 Essential Tips for Couples and Vendors

Wedding planning involves countless decisions, expectations, and potential pitfalls. Drawing from my extensive experience officiating ceremonies, I'm sharing fifteen essential wedding tips that can transform your planning process and wedding day experience.

The absolute must-dos begin with having realistic backup plans. While you can't anticipate everything, thinking through alternatives for weather, timing delays, and unexpected hiccups provides crucial peace of mind. Equally important is the contract process – couples should thoroughly read and understand agreements, while vendors need clear documentation of services, policies, and procedures. Personalizing your ceremony creates meaningful memories that endure long after the celebration ends, while managing your energy and building positive vendor relationships contribute significantly to a smooth, joyful experience.

Beyond these fundamentals, consider your budget priorities carefully, communicate attire expectations clearly but respectfully, and plan thoughtfully around family dynamics. Every wedding experiences some unexpected chaos – it's how you respond that determines whether these moments become cherished stories or lasting disappointments. Perhaps most importantly, know when to say no – to unreasonable requests, family pressures that contradict your vision, or proceeding with marriage if significant doubts exist.

Equally valuable is understanding what to avoid. Don't make assumptions about what your partner or clients want without explicit discussion. Never rely solely on couples for wedding day logistics, and don't recycle generic ceremony scripts when each celebration deserves personalization. Pay attention to warning signs during the planning process, whether communication issues, payment concerns, or contractual problems. Most critically, amid all the planning and details, don't forget to stay present and enjoy this extraordinary milestone.

Whether you're a couple planning your celebration or a vendor serving them, these practical insights can help navigate the complexities of wedding planning while preserving the joy that should define this significant life event. What unexpected wedding wisdom has shaped your approach to celebrations? Share your experiences and let's continue building a community of supportive wedding professionals and informed couples.

Chapters

• 0:04 Birthday Bonus Episode Introduction
• 1:16 Five Must-Do Wedding Actions
• 12:36 Five Key Wedding Considerations
• 20:30 Five Things to Absolutely Avoid
• 27:40 Final Thoughts and Birthday Wishes
• 27:50 Podcast Outro and Announcements

Transcript

Amanda: 0:04

Welcome to the Wedding Where with officiating by Amanda. Hello, and welcome back to the wedding where I'm amanda, and surprise bonus episode here. tomorrow, april 8th, is actually my birthday, so I decided that I'd put out a little extra content to go along with your day as a celebration. So this is just some advice and take it or leave it for what it's worth. I tried to think in the headspace of couples, family members, other vendors, you know if you're a bridal party person, and this is just a hodgepodge of everything. So some of these probably won't pertain, but others, I hope, definitely do and will. Let me dive on in. So I wanted to give you five things to do like seriously, definitely do them. Five things to do like seriously, definitely do them, do them, do them. And five things to consider and five things to not do. And, like I said, this is a hodgepodge for who it's for. So whenever I can, I might try to, you know, adjust it for both ends of the spectrum, whether you're a couple or you're a vendor, especially an officiant.

Amanda: 1:52

So the top thing to do and I know it's easier said than done and it's hard and you can't plan for everything but always have a backup plan. So for couples, this is just thinking. At least one derivative, one derivation of something went wrong. So you start time and thinking your head just one step. What if it doesn't start on time? Okay, cool, what's the backup for that? Think about weather, especially if you're having it outdoors, especially if it's winter, and even if you're indoors, what additional conditions might do for the roads for your guests getting there If it's a summer and it's hot? I was at a wedding incredibly hot, and fans and AC could not keep us cool enough. We all had to go by like little pocket fans. That was something that in the 11th hour, I know that the bride was like oh my gosh, I should have ordered fans. That should have been the favor and the giveaway. Again, the thoughts that we have in the moment would have always suited us better a few months prior, but it's better to have them than to not have them at all. Just always think through what your backup plan is and in that mind, also think about is it realistic and feasible to pull off with the time that you have? There are a lot of things that I have seen couples try to pull off. They come up with a decision the night before their wedding because of something we talked about in rehearsal or they totally forgot to do it and it doesn't come together. And it's kind of a sore spot when I show up the next day for the wedding and it hasn't come together. So please, oh please, be realistic with the backup plans that you can create.

Amanda: 3:47

The second thing to do is contracts From the vendor side. Build one out. It can be just as simplistic and easy and, as you grow your business over time, add to it. I've got a whole episode. I've teased it several times. Now I'm going through my contract and kind of giving some of the insight behind why I have this clause or why that came to be. Because all of them were lessons learned For couples. Sign contracts, read them A thousand percent. Read them, sign them. If you are working with a vendor who, in any way, shape, shape or form, touts themselves as a professional, they will have something for you to fill out and sign. My first contract was really simply just additional language in the body of an email, was really simply just additional language in the body of an email, but it made the email really really long. But it was all there. All of the clauses, all of the elements were there. Definitely have a contract. Make sure you're signing a contract. Know how you can get out of a contract, know under what grounds money could be returned, understand what elements might be additional charges and please, oh please, don't try to be sneaky and just add it in anyways. I would much rather have conversations with couples as they're going through their wedding planning process and saying, oh, you know, we know our quote doesn't have unity, we weren't thinking about it, but we really would like it. I would. I'm in a much better position to work with you, to talk with you, to edit the script, than to walk in blind, as I have sometimes, and see a unity candle sitting there at the top of the aisle and go, oh, what's that? And be told they're doing Unity Candle. Well, that wasn't in the script, that wasn't in my plans and for those of you that know me personally, you know that I can have a touch of the tism if the plan doesn't come to be. So it's a lot to process those fly-by-the-moment elements, which is why contracts are important. Quotes for services are important.

Amanda: 6:12

My next to-do is definitely personalize the ceremony. Couples particularly, think about how much personalization you want and where you want that to shine through, whether that's in the ceremony or it's within the reception, or you're going to make sure the speeches, the dances you know. There is no reason that your wedding shouldn't be personally yours in every little aspect. I say that with the caveat of know when to draw the line, because there are certainly things that the whole wide world does not need to know and there's almost a too much overshare For vendors. Let them, if it's going to take additional time or talent of yours, add that into the quote of hey. Personalization equals this, and so long as it's not drastically out, far of what you normally do, for example, if you're a photographer and you normally shoot with a certain kind of style and lighting, and for one or two pictures the couple is really wanting to try X, y, z, because it makes sense to them or because it was that first picture they had together back 10 years ago, try it. Let them personalize Again. Respectfully, draw the line when it's something you can't do, but every single element that you are able to say yes to and to let a couple include is all the more special. It is the thing that they're going to remember and it makes up for maybe some of the elements that didn't come together. I know, for my wedding my photographer, contract-wise, was to have a second shooter and they were going to bring a newer photographer to kind of learn the ropes. The second shooter was pregnant and unfortunately had to go to the hospital with some pregnancy complications Again outside of anybody's control, outside of what we're able to do and what we're able to kind of strategize a backup plan for the morning of and in the moment. But my photographer staying some extra time working with us on pulling off the surprise engagement that we had at the wedding. That levels up so much higher in the stories that I tell about the day. So always take that into account, putting in special touches, working with the couple to have it be what they're hoping it will be. It gets goodwill and it can really evaporate little hiccups. I'm not saying it totally undoes big errors, but it can undo little hiccups very quickly or they're not even remembered.

Amanda: 9:10

The fourth thing to do is energy. This is for the couple. You're going to be stressed, but as much as you can be conscious of your energy. Everyone coming in and everyone around is excited. You don't necessarily have to feed off that excitement to take your excitement up to 150, but you certainly should feed a little bit on the excitement so that you aren't standing there going, yes, I'm getting married, very just stressed, but not in it For the bridal party or friends that might be listening to this. Do what you can to keep the couple at ease. If you're a person who likes to help and you say, oh my gosh, what can I do, be prepared that that question might open on bigger can of worms than you were ready for. You know where do you want me? What can I do? I'm gonna stand here and if you think of anything, just let me know. You can be very casual with it instead of demanding a task. And for the vendors, keep the couple at ease. Pretend like it's a nervous parent or something dropping their kid off at kindergarten. Only bring the highest of high-level things. Bring the solutions, not the problems. Everything gets better when you have a little bit of humor, a little positivity. You can handle it with a smile and a laugh.

Amanda: 10:39

I've always found and my last big thing to do is definitely the other vendors. So, as a vendor network with them, build up those friendships. It definitely makes the day run smoother. And if you show up right away and kind of I don't want to say repeat your resume, but extol your confidences and your professionalism to them. They will go cool. They will go cool. You've got this. Let me mic you up, let me tell you where to stand, let me double check with the bride on this, but we're good to go and let you live in your space. A lot of vendors have seen other vendors drop the ball significantly, and so there is a part of all of us as vendors who are prepared to step in and to micromanage a bit more. I know that when I work with event coordinators or day of coordinators, and especially if they're new, it takes every fiber of my being to not step in and run the show. That's their job. But I've also seen a fair amount flounder and so that's a realm I'm prepared in For your couple. You know you don't really need to do all that much networking with your vendors. You kind of did it before, I hope, when you booked them, but just making sure that you touch base at least once with them throughout the event and time least once with them throughout the event and time. That way when you're leaving reviews later you are actually able to say yes, I did, I saw them, I spoke with them and all of my information isn't just coming secondhand from my guests who said that the music was too loud or that they really liked the food. You know, you have your own personal recollection with it. You have your own personal recollection with it.

Amanda: 12:36

My top five things to consider I talk a lot about budgets, couples setting budgets, thinking about your budget, especially for officiants. So, couples definitely budget, budget, budget. I know you hear it so much in the process, but always think about your budget. Think about what you would pay for, what you wouldn't pay for, what you might pay a little bit more for if it takes it off your plate. In all the realms, but in my space, certainly for the ceremony and for vendors, yeah, what do you charge? How much should you charge for it? Your time is valuable and it's worth an amount. I should not be the person who defines what that amount is, so I'm not going to tell you what you need to charge, but figure it out, stick to it, be flexible and feasible when you can if there's unique circumstances, and just grow and have fun with it.

Amanda: 13:38

Another element to consider is attire. So I had the one episode about a month ago about everyone in their bathing suits and we talked a lot about attire of bridal party, of the guests, sometimes of me as the officiant, and how. If you are looking for a certain outfit type and attire expectation, you need to be very clear as a couple when setting that up, without being bridezilla-y or groomzilla-y or couplezilla-y, you need to be very clear hey, we want the entire bridal party in shades of blue. We want floor length for the dress, we want a jacket for the guys. But set your own price points, set your own expectation. I'm chuckling right now because in my sorority experience when I was a new member, we had white checks where we were all able to go out and buy our own white dresses that we needed for ceremonies. Have a whites check where everyone would have to bring their whites and just get the ones over to make sure that it wasn't a see-through, a see-through bathing suit cover-up or that it wasn't actually yellow in color. So that is something maybe to think about if you're giving your bridal party a lot more leeway so that they're able to shop within their budget and within their preferences and their style setting up a. But hey, I really do want shades of blue as the theme and I really, really do want to make sure that we look a certain way. Can we please do like a? This is your bye-bye date and I want a photo. This is your bye-bye date and I want a photo and for guests, definitely letting them know we are all black and this is why we are requesting that you do formal attire and this is why, the more you can respectfully communicate, do and don't take it personally. When somebody forgets it's absolutely a pain in the ass but it'll be okay In that realm. Pain in the assness.

Amanda: 16:00

Family dynamics yeah, hopefully for vendors you don't have to worry about this as much. But for couples think about who might've been married to who. Think about who's engaged to who but not quite married to who. Think about who plays nice in the sandbox with others. I know for my wedding we had a little bit of fun. We got married right before the election, so we organized the families a little bit, but then we took into account knowing where some of them were very strong, politically leaning, and while we did not want political discourse at the wedding, sometimes it's just the topic or it's just what comes up. Divorced We've had some who are dealing with alcoholism. We have some who should have brought their significant other but then we were notified that their significant other is no longer with them. Family members who are VPS and then don't come. There's going to be a lot in the day. So just kind of think about this will matter, this won't matter. One, no call, no show, doesn't matter. 15 doesn't matter. Just be prepared. Somebody's going to have a little bit of a problem with something else. Some brother of the bride might forget his pants, what? Just think about how you want to keep everything in the forefront because it is your day, but also don't sweat it.

Amanda: 17:43

Number four is kind of similar Any big wedding day chaos, and I don't want you dreaming up the absolute worst things that could happen, but there's always going to be one little thing, and I tell couples, in all the weddings I've done, I maybe have had one wedding that went wrong, but every single wedding has had something go not to plan, and it's how you as a couple deal with it that makes it, whether it's the funny story told forever or not even remembered by others, or right, oh my gosh, and did you hear about what went wrong at Sarah's wedding?

Amanda: 18:26

Another thing to consider is when to say no and this is very, very open-ended. So for couples, when to say no to a vendor because what they're offering sounds great but there's things they're missing that you really really want, say no. Say no to family members, bridal party guests when they have desires and expectations that aren't matching up with what you want. You can say no. You have to be ready for the aftermath, but you can say no. You can say no to getting married. I know that that's like the deepest and darkest of it all, like oh my gosh, I can't believe it. But it's far, far less expensive to put together a wedding, a party, a celebration, not go through with a formal and legal marriage because you're still working to figure things out, then to do the whole gosh darn thing and then deal with divorce proceedings. You can say no and on the vendor side remember, we can say no to couples and to weddings, to things that don't feel good or right. I really make it a practice not to say no for particular reasons, because I don't want to be that judge person, but there are times where it doesn't feel smart, it doesn't feel safe for myself or for either member in the wedding, in the couple. Things to consider what are the hard lines and when do you say no?

Amanda: 20:26

So getting a little lighter, things not to do. do.

Amanda: 20:30

Don't make assumptions. So, as a bride or groom, do not make an assumption of what your significant other wants in the wedding. Ask them, talk to them, let them know that their opinion matters as well. And for vendors, do not assume that you know what the couple wants if you didn't talk to them about it. Some things, especially day of, aren't going to matter. Talk to them about it. Some things, especially day of, aren't going to matter. Map balloons versus shiny balloons Okay, make that decision, make the executive call, but don't make the

Amanda: 21:08

overall assumption. I've officiants who have reached out and, you know, looked at my website and said, oh my gosh, we want probably your platinum package. And I could have just said, like sounds great, but I require a consult call with every booking. And instead I

Amanda: 21:20

got on and said, hey, I would love that you would want the highest package, but what are we talking about? Like, what do you actually want? And by asking a few more questions and having that conversation versus just assuming that a couple could look at a website and know exactly that's what they want I was able to say you're a much better fit for one of these packages. It's going to fit what you're looking for a lot better. Do not rely solely on the couple for logistics. Love the couple. They have a lot going on and very easily can the plans for the rehearsal dinner get slightly confused with the plans for the reception dinner or the breakfast, while everyone's getting ready, get confused with the morning after brunch breakfast, while everyone's getting ready, get confused with the morning after brunch. A lot of things are happening and up in the air. So anytime that there is a coordinator, a planner, a day of person, a written out timeline, work and consult with that very, very much. So For my fellow fishy ants, do not get comfortable with your script. Each wedding is unique. Each wedding needs to be unique and there's a lot that you can do on the fly if you're comfortable leaning into the situational occurrences and happenings, leaning into the situational occurrences and happenings. Another thing not to do is do not ignore red flags in the search process. So for couples, it's a vendor not getting back to you Normally again 48 hours, or, depending on if it is the weekend in the consult calls wedding season, you could probably give up to 72, but do they communicate with you? Do they have regular means to communicate with you that aren't whatsapp or that aren't just facebook messenger? Have you met them in person or gotten on a video with them to know that they're there? Do prices change? Do things that you talk about not seem to matter to them anymore? Realistically, we all know everyone is living a life. Your wedding is going to be a point of importance for them, but it's not the most important thing to them.

Amanda: 23:58

So definitely give some grace. If you know, from the first interaction to the second, there's a couple things lost out of the memory bank, like they don't remember that you want this specific quote from Harry Potter, but they know that you were looking at quotes. Specific quote from Harry Potter, but they know that you were looking at quotes. Give a little grace, but there are definitely some very big red flags that you should not ignore. If things seem weird with how they want to be paid the deposits, if their cancellation clauses lean very, very heavily on, they're the only one who can cancel. They don't spell out your legal rights. Don't ignore that. And for vendors, same thing. Does the couple get back to you? Do they set up council calls and then reschedule three or four times. Do you really need to be chasing down them for their payment, their script selection, their final details? Are they reasonably reachable? Are they paying in full all at once with a cashier's check? Oh well, actually it was an overpayment and we need you to send it to the other vendor. Yeah, that's been scammed before and there's some things that just don't sit right. Don't ignore those.

Amanda: 25:25

You will not have a fun time and the final thing to not do is probably the same one. I set up a thing to do. But do not forget to enjoy the experience. Take it all in. It goes by insanely fast. The hours of planning are not equal to the hours of actually being there in the wedding and in the moment. Enjoy, soak up your experience, soak up everyone else's experience. Laugh, take some pictures. As a vendor, I always, when I can make sure I don't just fly out of there. Okay, bye, everyone, see you. I make sure to touch base with a few of the vendors on my way out and let them

Amanda: 26:13

know hey, this was great working Wedding Where with with. I leave my card, let's network. I will let one of the parents you know, father of the bride, mother of the license to keep. If they have any questions, they've got my number, but let them just enjoy the day. There's nothing more they need to do with me and I normally talk to at least one or two guests or bridal party members just getting some feedback.

Amanda: 26:48

I really like to bask in the compliments of that went well or we, we enjoyed, or that was funny. So as a vendor, I soak those in, but certainly as a couple, take it all. Take it all in. That's a lot to take into account and to consider and to do and to not do, and you can throw it all out with the bathwater if you want and just say, yeah, okay, amanda recorded an episode and it really did nothing for me, but maybe it did. Let me know. Let me know if any of this rings true or if there's any other considerations you make or things that you think other couples or vendors should know. And yeah, thank you guys so much for being on this with me. I'm really excited to celebrate birthday tomorrow, got a lot going on in the personal space and we'll get everything set from there. Have a great day.

Amanda: 27:50

Thank you for listening to the Wedding Wear with Officiating by Amanda. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and found some inspiration or insight for your own special day. This podcast is hosted on Buzzsprout and can be found on all major platforms. If you haven't already, please subscribe, like, comment and share to help us reach even more listeners who might laugh a little at the Wedding Wear. For the links referenced in the show, visit Linktree at Officiating by Amanda. You can also follow the business on Facebook, weddingwire and the Knot to stay up to date on everything going on. If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, just send an email to theweddingwearpodcast at gmailcom, and if you're ready to inquire about officiating services for your own big day, you can reach me at officiatingbyamanda at gmailcom. Thank you so much for tuning in and until next time. This has been Amanda.